7th October 2020 at 11:22 am #114798Dolly2019Participant
So, as an update, my (detail removed by moderator) (who left because of the abusive bf who also verbally abused and threatened her) came back to stay for (detail removed by moderator). He was kept away while she was here.
It has been lovely having her back. Laughter, like old times. My son’s behaviour has improved as a result.
She has said she misses being here and this has felt like “coming home” for her. She doesn’t know he is still in the picture, albeit on the outside now rather than basically living with / off me.
I think, she might want to come back to stay. She said she would never have left had it not been for him.
I can’t afford an (detail removed by moderator) and with Covid I do the school run etc myself now. So she would be a lodger and would have to get an independent job. Bu the thing that really worries me, is if I say to her she can move back, it would spell the end with the abuser. I know, logically, this is the right thing. He hates her because he accused her of flirting with him (she did, he is very alpha and funny) and he called her all sorts of names as a result. He despises her. She would never stay if he were on the scene.
But she is very good for my son and he loves the female company.
I don’t need a lodger and I can cope fine with my son alone. But when alone, I am open to his intrusion and finding his way back. I am reluctant to invite my mother in as she is very controlling herself and I find her very difficult and degrading in her own way (go figure where the roots to all this start…).
I don’t like the idea of using a third person to, essentially, do my dirty work which is to stand firm against him. But my heart and head more and more are saying “GET OUT” and to get away from him. His outbursts in shops in front of my son are terrible. (Detail removed by moderator) he got angry at me about a disagreement and smacked my (detail removed by moderator) out of my hand (detail removed by moderator). He has no self control at all. Threatened to (detail removed by moderator). He was so angry he was spitting as he spoke. Cars were slowing and people were turning to look on the street. It’s awful.
Is it the coward’s way out to ask her? I also have issues because she told me that a “friend” was gossiping to her about me (detail removed by moderator) and basically told her to call Social Services on me. I did wonder why she was telling me some (detail removed by moderator) later while here, which means she may have engaged in the gossip and which I suspected at the time. So she is not completely vanilla. But it’s the lesser of two evils at the moment.
But I hate how he makes me feel. Truly, hate it. He is a horrible bully and I feel exposed.
What would you do?
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