Telling my work

[Rockandrolldreamscomethrough]

So I have a meeting today with my line manager, I’m going to tell her about what is going on. I’m pretty scared and also scared that she won’t take me seriously because it’s not physical abuse. It’s so hard to
Understand unless you’ve been in the situation yourself I think. Obviously would never wish anyone to be in the situation but think it’s hard to verbalise what’s going on. I often forget incidents so that’s why I’ve started a log.

[Freedomfighter]

Hi, I was exactly the same a couple of months ago. I was forced into it, but it went fine and they didn’t question it even though mine is no longer physical. Good luck, and well done. You’re right it’s very scary especially when you’ve kept it a secret for a long time. I’m sure you will be fine. Mine are very understanding about my time off which is not usually the case. I’m glad I did it for that reason alone.

[Rockandrolldreamscomethrough]

Thanks freedom fighter 🙂 I’ve told my manager and she was very understanding and helpful. She even recommended charities that will help. She said she’ll also look into the HR side of things discreetly to see if theres any more support they can offer me. I feel heaps better now I’ve told someone els and now I don’t have to hide it infront of her. This morning he told me to ring in sick cause he had no sleep and didn’t want to look after our daughter. When I didn’t ring in he went crazy and sent me heaps of horrible messages and was swearing at me down the phone. I got upset but then he started apologising saying sorry and trying to explain himself. It’s more lies and I’m glad I’m taking steps to leave him!

[KIP.]

Abusers don’t want us to have independence. I had to give up working because his abuse drove me to mental illness. The want us at home looking after their needs and where we cannot build friendships of our own. They isolate us x

[Freedomfighter]

I think that’s why mine is being so nice at the moment. I’m not earning money to put into my new account in my name. He’s off on holiday, but hardly does anything to help in the house. He does just enough to say he’s helped, but then finds excuses to go out. You’re right, he hated the fact that I’d moved my wages and can access it and know exactly how much is in there. He’s always telling me how broke he is, how he’s had to pay for things on the credit card and had to take out a new one to pay for his holiday. I know it’s all designed to make me feel guilty and give him the money from my savings. So far I’ve resisted the temptation. I plan to give both my sons some spending money, but I’m not forking out for a holiday I’m not even going on. He wants to go and nagged my sons to go with him. If he really was broke he shouldn’t keep buying loads of things in the sales just because they are cheaper!!! I’m sure he has money hidden away. He always used to. He would tell me we were in debt, I’d work extra hours then all of a sudden he had enough money to pay off the bills and something he wanted. He is such a convincing liar. I’m glad everything went well and you’re feeling happy! Good for you 😊

[Rockandrolldreamscomethrough]

KIP, you’re right they do not want us to have independence yet I got called lazy when I didn’t work cause I was on MAT leave. You just can’t win with them. Freedom fighter, god he sounds truly awful! Mine always lies about money too. They obviously want to have total control over our finances too! At the moment mines the same he’s being all nice at the moment but he constantly goes on about how skint he is (because he spends all his money on weed but he refuses to hear anything bad about it) He makes any excuse to go out, which is usually better cause then he’s not in the house.

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