Telling the children

[Daff]

Hi everyone, im unsure what to do with information i have found out. My ex has spoke to the children about a message he sent me. In the message he said he is sorry for practically raping me and could see the fear in my eyes. They understandably don’t want to talk about it and i dont want to push. I think he is trying to make them think that his behaviour wasnt wrong. His behaviour changed in the last year of our relationship and they obviously want to remember the person he was. Im waiting to hear from cafcass, do i wait to tell them or is there someone else i need to inform. Feeling scared about the lasting affects on them and alone.

[KIP.]

My ex did the same. Shared intimate details with our son. I spoke to him and told him that it was completely unacceptable for his father to involve him in this way. That it was manipulation. He’s simply trying to humiliate you probably the way he always has done. Their behaviour is despicable. When they feel their abuse is about to be exposed they become even worse without thinking of the consequences to themselves so keep all the evidence you can. He will give you plenty. Then get a non molestation order to keep him away from you and the children. Talk to your local women’s aid for support. Cafcass do not always recognise domestic abuse and controlling and coercive behaviour but women’s aid will x there is no depth too low for these men x

[Lisa]

Hi Daff,

Thank you for sharing with us and welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear about what you and your children are going through. I hope you find the forum a supportive place to be. It is great to see you have already had support from KIP.

As KIP has suggested please do consider contacting your local support group if you haven’t already. They can offer ongoing emotional and practical support. Your local group can be found here

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (weekdays 10am – 4pm and 10am – 12pm weekends). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: here

Do keep posting when you can.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Author]

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