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    • #75428

      After showing evidence of psychological/emotional and physical Abuse to DA service I spent (detail removed by moderator) in a Refuge. Due to tech abuse (tracking of vehicle and hacking of phone) I was told I was endangering the other women and needed to transfer somewhere else!!!
      (detail removed by moderator)
      I felt upset and I felt I couldn’t trust them so I left and called the helpline….. no reply in the daytime on a Monday !

      Eventually got through to a different region but still in the UK

      Found a space after 3 hours calling!

      Drove the 6 hour drive in the hope of a nice safe home!!!

      (detail removed by moderator)

    • #75445

      JUst wanted to reply Zizi so sorry you have experienced this.

      I went to refuge myself some years back and my understanding is that they do vary greatly, ours had support workers and children’s support workers – very simple pace but big on security.

      Others I understand are quite nicely kitted out.

      I do remember my ex finding out the office address (not the refuge address) and only narrowly avoiding being thrown out for that reason I was terrified a the time.

      Please do look after your self hope you get some more positive news soon.

      all best

    • #75449

      Hi Zizi, I wanted to write you a reply so that you didn’t feel anymore alone. Getting away from an abusive man is the hardest thing to do, we all know that. The only way we can make safe places nicer and more of them is with educating society. Many councils have cut back on funding which comes directly from government funds. In order to make refuge and the work women’s aid do more important and be recognised for the necessity it is, we have to contact our mps, they are the only ones who can make governmental changes which then will have a knock on effect to the council’s.
      In the meantime there are hundreds of women fleeing abusive men with literally no where to go that is close to where they live. I pray you have somewhere nicer to stay until you get your own place. It’s awful that we have to flee,sometimes with children and the clothes on their backs and these men get to lord it up and stay in the family home.
      Try and look at it that you are away from him, the ladies in refugees are just doing a job, and that is to make every single one of the residents feel safe.
      I know how you feel regarding the male workers, but I’m very sure they will have been vetted. I remember going into the police station and was terrified to talk to the officer because there was 2 men sitting there also. Terrified they’d know I was his wife, cos he really does know everybody(or so it seems).
      Good luck for the future and please keep posting, this forum is for us to get rid of a lot of pent up anger too.
      IWMB 💕💕

    • #75453
      Main Moderator

      Hi there,

      I’m sorry to hear you have had a negative experience with refuge. Its really important to stress that not all refuges will be like this and not what survivors should expect. I would advise that you go through the complaints procedure for the individual refuges.
      The National Domestic Violence Helpline can be very busy and I can understand how frustrating this must be. There is an option to leave a voicemail message with your name, number and a safe time to return your call.

      Best Wishes,

    • #98627

      Zizi you were unlucky. I fortunately found a refuge which was friendly, safe and helpful.Refuge had no spaces when i first applied so me znd my 2 young kids were put in a local hostel,i soon recieved death threat letters from my ex through the post, someone saw me out shopping he knew and followed me and reported back.i was rightly terrified and straight away Refuge found us a place very far out.i didnt care i wss just grateful to be safe.a member of staff at the hostel drove us there, il be forever grateful as my experience with Refuge was exemplary!

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