Text from my friend

[Dragonfly]

I have a close friend, we work together too. I’m going back to work tomorrow having again been signed off for several weeks. I have PTSD and depression. She’s not been in touch at all until the other night. Her text said ‘its been too long, you ok’?. Then 3 mins later (I hadn’t responded yet) another one saying’ ok you’re obviously in the huff, hey ho I’ll get over it then a stupid smiley face.

She knows why I’ve been off, she knows almost everything that’s happened to me. Although we’re good friends sometimes I find her to be a bit heartless. She never ever apologises for anything she does wrong. She can say things at work to make me feel and look a bit stupid then totally big me up the next. She demands a lot of my time and energy and I’ve realised over the last few weeks I’ve coped better without her.

I’m dreading going back to work tomorrow. Surely she must know that was an idiotic thing to say in her text. I’m in a huff!!!! No I’m not I’m trying to recover. It’s a bit like saying pull yourself together.

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Dragonfly,

Sorry to hear this, I’ve had similar flippant unhelpful reactions from friends. Not one has texted or called to ask how I’m doing after I told them what happened. They seem uncomfortable about it now and like I should have moved on by now. I get radio silence from most of them and one just gets in touch because she is nosy and never offers me any kindness when I do tell her what I have been through. She also always tells me to go on holiday and arrange trips even though I’m not working, like that will solve everything.

People are strange. I think if you’ve not experienced abuse you don’t understand it as it’s a specific type of psychological trauma that is hard to understand and that is still stupidly taboo in society. I reckon it’s best to keep your distance from this woman and focus on each new day at work and building yourself back up. Then when you meet new people, take your time to assess them and how trustworthy they are, how much empathy they have etc because some so called friends can make you feel much worse.

It’s great you’re going back to work, good luck on you first day back 🙂 Is your boss supportive? If possible have an arrangement where you can take some time out if you get any PTSD triggers and take it a day at a time.

[Dragonfly]

Hi

Thanks for responding. I’m doing a phased return so gradually increasing my hours. My friend sits opposite me at work, in fact our desks are attached! Anyway I went in, said good morning and got no response. I then had to go to a meeting with my manager and my friend walked past us. I said hi. She looked away. In fact my boss noticed and said that was not on!

Then I get a call from my solicitor about divorce and that all went Pete tong too.

So I couldn’t stand it anymore and said to my friend….are you ok? She said she didn’t think I was speaking to her. Grrrrr. I said of course I am, you haven’t acknowledged me at all today. Then I gave her a hug and said I can’t fall out with anyone. So we’re all good for now.

Seems a bit immature really but her flippant attitude really got to me.

I agree with you that some just don’t understand at times

[Author]

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