Thought I was doing ok. But found out today he had texted my son’s girlfriend twice and had asked her to get him to get in touch.My son is adult and wants nothing to do with his dad .He was initially having contact but his behaviour has meant my son wants nothing to do with him. It’s brought back all the horrible churning stomach feelings I used to get and made me realise I’m not doing as well as I thought. It’s only been *months since he went but so much has happened since and I know I’ve got a difficult journey ahead. I also feel for my son who is under no illusions as to his dad but likely also now has mixed emotions. I just wish he’d disappear. He has a habit of texting mutual friends so now I’m on edge expecting him to start again
It’s triggering for you now because you’re still extremely vulnerable but those he’s trying to recruit as flying monkeys won’t be so vulnerable. Just set boundaries for yourself. You do not wish to hear from your ex via anyone. If he tries to use friends and family then that’s what they tell him. Be consistent from day1. Don’t be scared to involve the police if you have to. He will use those he thinks he can manipulate. You can empower these people to simply not get involved. Explain how distressing it is and traumatic when he tries to get back into your life. I’m glad your son can see the real person his dad is and I hope he manages to explain to his gf that it’s not healthy or even appropriate to involve her. Manipulation x you won’t always feel so vulnerable x they are like toxic smells. Overpowering when close but eventually it’s just a bad smell in the background we learn to ignore x are you having counselling?