Texts are still coming

[jsscollie]

Any advice would be appreciated ladies. I have an undertaking for the non-molestation order, and so far since (detail removed by moderator) night I’ve had (detail removed by moderator) texts. (detail removed by moderator)now since I began this post) He’s only allowed to contact me regarding the children so he keeps asking to talk to me ‘for their sake’, saying he can sort everything out and the kids would be so happy if i did.

He isn’t threatening violence, it’s all very ‘i love you’ and so persuasive and it’s overwhelming while I’m at work as the messages just keep coming through.

I’ve sent details to my solicitor but she’s not replied yet. The police weren’t nice when I last spoke to them. I’ve asked him (detail removed by moderator) times since he started to put any concerns about the children in an email and he’s not taking no for an answer…

[LyriaTwilight]

Also – could you turn your phone off for a while? And could it maybe written into the undertaking that contact is strictly regarding the children and not your relationship with each other? As I said, I don’t know how these things work yet so just ‘thinking out loud’. Ring the police if you feel you cannot cope. And lean on your family and friends, whoever you have who may listen x

[Serenity]

Hi There,

I’m lucky in that my mum agreed to be third party contact for the kids during the undertaking. But in fact, he never contacts her- we manage to get by without her involvement ( my youngest is old enough to sort most things).

But before that arrangement, he was texting me ten times a day or more ( not nice things, mind you).

The court asked me if I’d agree to a designated email address whereby to agree child-related things. I said no, that my mum would step in, but I am wondering if this might be something for you?

A seperate email address – used only for contact related businesss- you would only have to check weekly, or twice weekly? It might not be so intrusive. You could arrangectononly open this account at a certain time in the week. This would formalise things more and he wouldn’t have the power to invade your day at any moment.

[Anonymous]

I would screen shot every text and send to solicitors so they have evidence when the ask the judge for the non molestation order. Also change your number that would force him to send you emails instead. He will then have no choice as youve already asked to only email you. X

[White Rose]

Thats really frustrating and really wearing on you. I had similar but didn’t have nom mol. It sounds as if the texts aren’t directly related to children but an excuse for contact. Hopefully solicitor will help out.
I got many many emails and texts in the early days from mine and police told me to respond very specifically and say “I am not going to respond to any further messages unless they include specific relevant questions directly related to your contact with (child). Please stop repeatedly contacting me, it is unnecessary and I feel you are harassing me. I will not be responding to further irrelevant messages”.
He still sent them for a while so I was told to reply agsin that “if he did not stop i had been advised i could go to the police regarding his ongoing harrassment”. That worked for a bit then eventually i got a pay go phone just for him and only looked at it once a day and only replied very briefly to the very rare important texts. That gave me peace and control.
I think cheap paygo just for him might be best option – you can always email a response to save the charges. Tesco usually have good deals! Give him anothed email address too – that will help.
In the meantime save them all as evidence. Has he not got anything better to do with his time? x

[Nova]

…hi agree WhiteRose & Serenity have good advice…separate the contact out…separate phone number so you know it can only be his messages on it…good for evidence, & same for email…as my ex deleted a lot of evidence, accidentally/on purpose…Msn/whatsapp history just gone…I wonder why!
The texts drove me mad…off/on, yet he wouldn’t actually talk about anything real …just idiotic nonsense ..which amounts to nothing,back and forward…like kids…seriously damaging, & empty. A proper wind up & control tactic.
Switch him off! Or at least onto another sim..

Cx

[Confused123]

HI HUn

I would recommend getting a seperate phone no for contaccct with him, or imyself a rule we eonly discuss children, if he mentioned us i would instantly put phone down stating the reason of topic. Whilst at work mi would block him during working hours , u dont nbeed them interfering with your head u need space, againn allthese i love u mesages , can try again will be better is to weaken u so u take him again

[Suntree]

I would start by telling your solicitor that you see these as harassment.

I would ask them to send a letter to him or and email. make sure you proof read it first before they send it and it tells him that contact for the children is to be done in writing either through them or by email.

By phone will be fore emergency only. Anything that isn’t emergency will be considered as harassment and treated as such.

Any reply you make to him do via email. Don’t reply by phone as you are saying that media is okay to use.

Put his number on block during unreasonable hours when the kids are with you. Trust me if it is an emergency and you need to know someone will find a way to tell you.

If the kids are to have phone calls with him get another phone and put all your contacts on that so he doesn’t have the number and use the one he has for their contact time. a pain but worth it.

Give when is a reasonable time for him to call them or them to call him. and then switch the phone off outside of that time frame.

Keep it all polite and business like. Keep a diary, back up when he contacts and about what.

You are putting reasonable boundaries down and that is good for you and the kids.

[tobehappy]

I have a phone just for him to contact. He should only contact about the kids but we are sorting court orders etc so he abuses the phone line. I only check the phone when I feel strong enough to deal with the messages. It is on just before the kids go to his and stays on just after I collect them. i leave it on silent so I have to go and look at it when i feel I can.

We were using a contact book but he now refuses to use this so I am treating the phone as if it were a book. Ie he can only send(well I only read) messages when the kids are with him as that is when he would have the book. I only reply to the fact. I don’t respond to anything where he is simply having a go.

Don’t get me wrong there are times when I just have to respond and get it off my chest but the initial relief is short lived as it just gives him more fuel. If the messages get too much I just turn the phone off. Don’t check for messages just before bed, unless the kid are with him as it may be an emergency.

I have come to the realisation that he will always be a **** and the only thing i can do is teach myself to keep him in a box. I have tried to report it to the police but unless is is highly offensive or life threatening there is nothing they can do except record it as a domestic.

At least now the sound of a text message doesn’t make me feel sick, just wondering what he may have said this time. It will help you feel more in control. It will give you time to recover. Often I don’t reply for a few days is I have received a lot of messages as my head just can’t process what to do or say. Once I feel stronger I can put together a reply.

I hope you find something that works for you. Nothing is perfect. x*x

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