Thank you ladies for all your support…

[Shipoffools]

I’d love to tell you my DV story but it would take longer than 15 minutes!! I came on the forum originally to ask for advise about telling my young adult sons more about the DV I’ve suffered as I’ve kept a lot of it from them. There was never a good time to tell them after we fled their Dad and I thought once we got away and the abuse ended all would be OK…Onto a happy new chapter….

But that didn’t quite happening, yes I was doing well, I returned to my home city, found a place for us to live, got myself a new job and my boys started new schools….but all the time and I didn’t realise at first Dad who had fortnightly contact was chipping away at the lads, dissing my parenting to them, asking them what I was doing, who I was seeing etc etc then I get a nasty text from him or a solicitors letter threatening my parenting skills…this went on for 2 years until my ex took me to family court for residency of the boys. By now the boys wanted to live with dad and new wife. They were brainwashed. My worst nightmare. Worse day of my life.

I see my boys every fortnight. We have a good relationship. But they are brainwashed and they are controlled, they don’t have the freedoms other teenagers have, he likes to keep tabs on them and what the spend (they both work) and this is only what I know of because they are very loyal to him.

My life has moved on now too, I now have a new partner and I work full time. I never regret leaving my DV ex. But I do miss my children. And it makes me cry and breaks my heart.

There really is too many episodes of abuse fm the relationship to tell you. All the usual classic stuff. None of it I reported, sadly. I lived on eggshells in fear….my message to myself would be report him! Don’t play fair with him because he doesn’t and won’t play fair with you….thanks for reading…

[livingonaprayer]

Hi. Just wanted to say I so feel for you in this situation. I’m sort of at the beginning of all of this. The only hope I have is that eventually my child will understand I made the choice and for them to trust that my choice was right. You know you did the right thing & with time they will understand that. Just sending you hugs, be patient. Everything comes out in the end. Xx

[Shipoffools]

Thank you livingonaprayer,

I hang on to that hope too, I’m a fair, kind person and I believe what goes around comes around….

It’s nearly a decade since I fled the DV relationship and my boys went back to live with their father over half of that time ago..(sorry I can’t put actual lenght of time on here)….

It’s been a hard road. No karma for the DV ex yet, but then again I realise now I didn’t help myself by not reporting the DV at the time a decade ago….

My advice to others planning to leave or have left/fled would be report the DV, it’s evidence. And it could be crucial further down the line….I thought my ex would get fed up and leave me alone, but he didn’t stop until he had taken the children….xx

[KIP.]

For what it’s worth, ten years ago there wasn’t the same knowledge of dv. Or support. Even if you had brought it up you would have probably been told by solicitor and judge that it didn’t matter. Or it was he said she said. Or you would just look vindictive. Even in my case I got told it would be better report the rapes now because if he’s found not guilty of the assault it will look bad if you then accuse him of rape. Even with the divorce. Not interested in the fact you’ve been mentally destroyed and left with nothing. The law has come a long way in the very recent past but still has a long way to go. You did what you did to survive. You can build on the relationship you have now. He will always be a nasty selfish little man and will have to explain why he took the boys. I’m sure the boys will feel incredible guilt too. Even if they don’t show it x

[Shipoffools]

Thank you KIP, wise words – as always. Coming onto the WA forum has really helped me. Before it I was getting a bit bogged down with negative feelings of guilt going round and round my head…’woulda, coulda, shoulda’….

It’s comforting to know things regarding reporting DV has got better and is improving all the time.

Thanks again xx

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