That Fake Smile

[Pinkheart]

A poem I wish to share 🤗…

You beat the confidence out of me, but I still smiled.

You gave me the silent treatment, but I still smiled.

You manipulated me, but I still smiled.

You were selfish, but I still smiled.

You belittled me and put me down, but I still smiled.

You accused me of being unfaithful, but I still smiled.

You judged me in bed, but I still smiled.

You were always dishonest, but I still smiled.

You made me feel like I was crazy, but I still smiled.

You cheated on me, but I still smiled.

You isolated me from friends, but I still smiled.

You made me feel guilty when I wasn’t with you, but I still smiled.

People would tell me what a ‘great guy’ you were, but I still smiled.

People would tell me I’m a ‘lucky woman’, but I still smiled.

You would disapprove of my clothes, but I still smiled.

You would check my underwear, but I still smiled.

You tracked my every move, but I still smiled.

You suffocated me, but I still smiled.

You made me feel worthless, but I still smiled.

You made me into a nervous wreck, but I still smiled.

You stripped me of my identity, but I still smiled. 

You made me feel like I didn’t want to exist in this world any more, but I still smiled (writing suicide letters!) 😔

I begged you to hit me.

I wanted my scars to be visible to the world.

That fake smile was slipping. 🙁

My face ached. 

My jaw was heavy.

My heart was hurting.

I stood in the mirror. 

I saw a reflection of a stranger. 

An empty shell.

A silent woman screaming from the inside for help.

A broken woman just wanting to die…

BUT today I really do smile. 😊

I smile, I can breathe again.

I smile, I have my identity back.

I smile, at my reflection in the mirror.

I smile, you didn’t get to keep me.

I smile, I’m alive and living life. 

I smile, I can finally love me.

I smile, I set myself free.
💜🌈🧚‍♂️

[nbumblebee]

I am in tears wow.
The first part of this is me.
Every single bit just wow.
The second part maybe one day.

Thank you for this it is beautiful just beautiful x

[Pinkheart]

Stay strong beautiful! 💪🏼💜

[Bananaboat]

Very accurate and beautifully written xx

[Iwantmeback]

I thought I was the only one whose OH smelled their knickers. I’m so sorry you went through that too.

[Strongenough]

Well said @pinkheart. I am sure your words will resonate with many, the certainly did with me 💗

[Author]

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