22nd March 2021 at 6:30 pm #123688
I’ve got a condition that causes me significant memory issues… I forgot to do something for my husband today. My life for the next few days at least will not be worth living. 😭😭😭
22nd March 2021 at 6:53 pm #123691ScarecrowParticipant
I don’t think there is anything that i can say that is going to take that feeling in your tummy away. All I can say is that it is not your fault and he shouldn’t make you feel like it is. If what your forgot was that important, and he obviously knows about your memory issues then he should have reminded you or done it himself.
You have a medical condition, its not as if you couldn’t be bothered to do whatever it was.
Try and be kind to yourself and keep talking on here,
23rd March 2021 at 5:40 am #123699KIP.Participant
Trauma and abuse causes memory loss so it’s very probable he is the cause or a major contributor to this. Keep your phone on you fully charged and ring 999. You do not need to put up with his abuse. There is never an excuse for domestic abuse. He chooses to do this to you because he enjoys it. Have you spoken to women’s aid. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven.
25th March 2021 at 7:22 am #123766
He definitely knows about my issues, he was there when I had not one but (detail removed by moderator) brain surgeries some time ago. So yeah, I’d say he is well aware!! I have only recently realised that was when he was happiest!!
25th March 2021 at 7:25 am #123767
I’m still getting the silent treatment so much so, he leaves any room I enter. I try to make the most of the peace, but it’s actually ‘deafening’ I know that sounds stupid but he is playing the victim now, talking to our children like he is wounded.
WHY IS HE LIKE THIS???
I WOULD FIND MORE MATURITY IN A PRIMARY PLAYGROUND!!!!!
25th March 2021 at 8:24 am #123770HawthornParticipant
You would certainly find more kindness and empathy on the playground than you will in your abuser. He is stonewalling you to make you feel bad, so that you feel you are the one in the wrong so that he can be the victim and you take the blame for his actions. Its manipulation and abuse, treating you like this and making you walk on eggshells and feel so uncomfortable in your own home.
He is like this because he chooses to be. His abusive behaviour gets him his way. He feels entitled to be king of the castle, and for everyone else in the house to bow and scrape to him. He is like this because it is his way of being in the world. It is how he has always been, and will be. These behavioural patterns are deeply embedded, which is why abusers dont change. A cat let outside to play will hunt and kill because that’s what it does, it enjoys it; it’s a cat. An abuser will dominate and seek power and control for the same reason, they enjoy it.
Try to focus on yourself and your exit plan. You e come so far. Baby steps and keep reaching out. Sending a bug hug xx
25th March 2021 at 10:22 am #123779
😔 That sounds very familiar.
26th March 2021 at 1:15 am #123800freedancingqueenParticipant
Hi, am so sorry to hear your going through this, It’s a very common act for an abuser to do, he is making sure you don’t disobey him again, its manipulation at its finest,it will never change, there will always be a reason for him to behave like this even if you do everything right. but most of all I just want to see if your ok?
26th March 2021 at 3:03 pm #123825
Ok? Me? I actually don’t think I can answer that right now. 🥺
26th June 2021 at 5:44 pm #127759ladiesand gentlemenParticipant
Same here !!!
My husband forgets I am unwell too, and still expects the jobs to be done, plus managing ALL the household admin and balancing the finances, along with(all of a sudden)mentioning something expensive needs to be done !!!
He has ALWAYS made me feel uncomfortable in my own home, never quite good enough(for HIM)never compliments either, despite me having tried SO HARD !!!
Its HIM not YOU, stay strong, keep a diary if it helps, remember you are not him.
HE has NO right to treat you this way and that funny feeling inside is trying to tell you something(that inner voice)
Try to get help
You have support via all these brave women on here, well done for reaching out, its the first step on a long journey.
Take Care of yourself xx
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