the bitter aftermath

[Anonymous]

My brain is still beating itself up.

My ex has said many hurtful things to me recently. One of my ruminations is that he keeps saying that I was the reason he’s depressed. He recently tried to commit suicide. I’ve asked him if his attempt was because of me. He says it wasn’t because of me. But he keeps saying it.

He admitted to me a few days ago that he’s been seeing other women. I’ve heard that he’s been sleeping with them (detail removed by moderator).

Classy!

I know the kind of people he would socialise with.

I’m a bit embarrassed to say I slept with him (detail removed by moderator) since we broke up. But I don’t know when he started seeing other women. So I have done an test for STD’s just for reassurance.

This was the same man who said that he was going to spend the rest of his life with. Yet, just (detail removed by moderator) later, he’s sleeping around and saying it’s my fault.

I know I shouldn’t let it get to me. But it makes me so angry and physically sick. The thought of ever having to (detail removed by moderator) again makes me want to scream, knowing that’s where he’s been with other women.

But we have to arrange child visitations again soon. I can’t block him.

[Lisa]

Hello Missanon,

Thank you for sharing what you’re going through.

From what you’ve described, your ex partner sounds extremely emotionally manipulative.
Sadly it’s common for abusive men to make threats, or attempts, to end their life, and then place the blame on us – whether this is directly or indirectly, this is an awful responsibility to put on someone. It can make it very hard to break away from that person, due to the feelings of guilt it can evoke in us.

What some women find helpful when it comes to having to communicate with an abuser in regards to child contact, is setting up a separate email account to use solely for communicating about the children with their ex. This way you will not have to deal with triggering and manipulative messages and calls from him at all hours of the day. Of course this doesn’t work for everyone, but could be something to consider.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[StrongLife]

Yes I agree-limiting contact, reduced avenue of contact etc saved my sanity. He gave up in the end. Right down to PO Box etc. I got support services on this and many of them – just accusations from him that were yrs later irrelevant. Keep your mental health safe – I was in position of living in separate home so contact in person impossible.

Last contact was a while ago about something so irrelevant in my eyes and had to be done as past of split up.

I have not seen him since leaving house a while ago and unlikely I will

[Author]

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