30th April 2016 at 2:16 am #15882
So long it goes on. bruises heal on their own so howbdo I make his judgements and voice stop in my head. That i’m s**t that everything is s**t. I am so sick of it. I have ha enough and given in to akchol tonite and trying to get myself a break from it. How do u make it stop!!’aaaah!!
30th April 2016 at 4:25 am #15883Falling SkysParticipant
The bruising fades a lot sooner than the head work.
I have been working on loving me. I am a good person, funny, bright and my friends like me and sm making new ones.
I do find that as I have been under stress the last few weeks I find that I am working to his rules again. Ie eating and drinking (not alcohol) on the quite as was always an issue.
I find having positive people around me helps, training myself to accept complements. Sounds easy but isn’t.
Also at the end of each day think of all the good things I have done.
I wasn’t allowed to cook,wash up, clean (he say I was c**p at it). So every time I make a meal and it tasty I know what he was saying was rubbish. At first I kept posting pictures of my food on social media…
Also go to freedom if possible it helps understanding how their head works and why they do things.
30th April 2016 at 6:41 am #15886shine bright 2Participant
I don’t know karma because I haven’t been able to, bit I just wanted u to know I’m here for u.
3rd May 2016 at 2:02 pm #16224
thank you so much FallingSkys and Shine bright 2 for your supportive words and ideas.
One off the best things i used to do, I remember, when i ‘heard’ this kind of negative self-talk going on i would have a self-talk answer for it. That was a lot easier it seems because these were just old outdated self-doubts and easier to tell to ‘eff off’ ha! but i just seem so stuck with these ones from him, visualising the points at which he said these things 🙁 and my belief in him that meant he must be right about me.
You are doing such goodwork there FS! it all sounds so positive and i really hope you are feeling the difference for it. Good strength to you both forthe onwards and upwards 🙂
3rd May 2016 at 4:38 pm #16229HerindoorsParticipant
Something that has helped me is reading a book by Kristin Neff called ‘Self Compassion’ – I had/have a problem with negative narratives going on in my head and this book has really helped me. It doesn’t tell you to just tell yourself how wonderful you are but to have self-compassion for the things you have done ‘wrong’ and celebrate your sucessess. It has really helped me change the way I think about myself and basicially give myself the break I deserve. Take care xx
3rd May 2016 at 8:53 pm #16258HealthyarchiveBlocked
Hi Karmasister, i think its a combination of the passing of time, keeping busy, doing things that you enjoy & trying to see a small bit of positive in everything that happens. I have really realized if it wasn’t for my abusive relationship I would not have learnt to scuba dive, this is a positive for me and something i plan to develop now i’ve kicked him to the kerb! Are you still living together?
3rd May 2016 at 9:26 pm #16263
thank you both, and glad you have both found things that are helping you so much. Isn’t it amazing how many different things work for each of us.
No, no longer together Healthyarchive, pleased to say!
3rd May 2016 at 9:48 pm #16264HealthyarchiveBlocked
thats really great you are no longer living together K.
I’ve been out about (detail removed by Moderator) months now, there are good & bad days, but on the whole i’m sleeping better and having more happier times. Still feel that I really miss and love him though. X
4th May 2016 at 10:06 am #16290Confused123Participant
I read loads of books on abuse to make myself realize that it was them that was sick, i am starting to love myself again, i tell myself i am important, i am accessing courses on self confidence, going for walks to stay fit,
trying to eat healthy , that one is hard as have got loads going on and tend to eat lots of cake as am emotionally eating, i do counselling to understand myself , i keep away from negative people or dont talk about my personal business with them , attending courses how to recognise abusive realtionship and how to recoever from them , setting goals for myself, when that thought comes in your head his saying i was s**t, say to yourself actually he was the s**t not me , tell yourself this everyday if u have to . My ex used to say i was the worlds boring person, i didnt know how to mix in with people , i ws fat, ugly , just looking at me was enough to spoil his mood…list goes on i m still a bit parnoid when i go out how people view me , but i tell myself i like me , i love me, slowly his voice in nyour head will disappear, my ex used to call me a s***, s***, w****, i actually became blind to the whole world as i thought i might just be that low that even if people look at me i thought i was not worth looking at and avoided eye contact with people in public, his voice is disappearing slowly, cause im doing all the things i love, and slowly the real me is comming back , im admititng all he told me was lies , he actually fooled me into beleiving the lies, im sure your ex told u lies about u thats why we doubt ourselves , so they can go f*** themselves too , dont even waste your energy or breath bad mouthing them we got better things to do
6th May 2016 at 5:56 pm #16515
Oh Confused that sounds so brilliant, everything you are doing and the change its making!
I am trying but if i think he’s right that i am boring and all those other things then i should accept that i just am and not tell myself i’m not? I can accept that I am boring and all those other things even if its not nice.
6th May 2016 at 10:44 pm #16559Confused123Participant
stop right there , u dont have to beleive none of his lines that his right u r boring, how many times have u made people laugh on here,u offer loads of support to ladies so that shows your compansionate, ignore spelling errors by the way , u seem like a kind hearted person to me, and u should be proud of that, we all have our own likes and prefences, didnt u tell me a few months back that u went on a few dates and had a laugh and just used these men, so u not boring cause im sure i remember u saying u met some of them again, so what does that prove, that people do like your company, it was just him that couldnt accept u, u not alone, my ex hated my company, makes u wonder why they married us if we that boring and they hate us so much, but deep down they hate them selves and killing our happy spirit made them happy. slowly love yourself again for u
12th May 2016 at 9:09 pm #17108
thank you for your strong words Confused123. Its so hard to make that leap of belief isn’t it? i’ve really been struggling with this for so long.
Yes, really does make you wonder! xxKS
12th May 2016 at 10:10 pm #17124MillionpiecesParticipant
I’m struggling with flashback until now, I wish I can skip just one day. Still make me shivered and hate my self, cry my self out everytime its happen.
But I’m glad it’s lessen by time. If it’s only once a day I feel like I want to pop champagne!
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