The children

[browneyedmum]

I can’t say I feel abused by my children because I am their parent and we are usually able to resolve issues in healthy ways. However sometimes my children scare me and I am deeply concerned about them. I have seen them each take on aspects of abuse that they have witnessed.

One child is a very clever manipulator who knows exactly what buttons to push. This child will do this with their father, with their sibling and tries it with me (but I’m too wise now).

The other child has been becoming increasingly angry, shouty, sweary, and (detail removed by Moderator) resorted to punching walls aggressively. This child finds it very difficult to process their emotions and articulate their thoughts and feelings like most other people do and so is prone to resort to shouting and aggressive behaviour.

The whole thing was kicked off when their father set a scene between the siblings that their father knows is explosive, but he left me to deal with it and clean up after (detail removed by Moderator).

Are there any resources for helping children understand abuse that they witness and behaviours that they may adopt yet have choice in not engaging in, but in age appropriate ways?

I am in contact with my local DIAS and am signed up for a webinar next month regarding how abuse affects children, but I believe that webinar is more generalised and I while I still will attend, I’m not certain it’ll be helpful for meeting these needs.

Thank you in advance.

[tryingtosleep]

Hi browneyedmum
I’m sorry your kids are behaving in this way. It sounds from what you say that they have witnessed some very difficult things.
Have you thought about contacting your GP? They could refer you to CAMHS perhaps?
Xx

[browneyedmum]

Thank you tryingtosleep,

School is involved with both children as they’re enrolled in Freedom Flowers.

GP is in the loop as well. We did try a CAMHS referral years ago, but neither child meets their threshold. Our CAMHS is unable to meet the need locally and take only the most extreme cases.

In our case, a child was feigning illness so that they were hospitalised for several weeks without any medical explanation. I reported my suspicions to the ward psychiatrist who then also witnessed this child faking and made a referral to CAMHS. But this child didn’t meet their threshold. We were referred to a charity that is over 100 miles away from us, which is unattainable.

I have also looked into local charity counselling services, one of which I had used for myself before, but they didn’t run things for children that would be appropriate.

I was hoping there might be some books that I could read with the children. I might try asking pastoral care at school.

[Abusesurvivor]

Hi,

Contact womens aid as I know my local DV charity has a programme for kids due to abuse.

I left my emotionally abusive relationship (detail removed by Moderator) years ago and have a teenage daughter. He tells me my daughter has (detail removed by Moderator) as suggested by Drs. This made me suspicious so I contacted the hospital they attended and they tell me that he suggested (detail removed by Moderator) not the Drs. I have since researched all my daughter symptoms and funnily enough (detail removed by Moderator) has similar symptoms to trauma; however, I know it is trauma as my daughter has said she has had flashbacks and panic attacks all due to her father. She is constantly off school with stomach aches. Also has anger issues, lashes out, wont sleep (4 hrs at best), anxious and dizziness etc. We now have evidence of this as this has been brought to the attention of my GP and the police. We also have a social worker in place but don’t at this point feel particularly supported by him or the intervention worker. (detail removed by Moderator) .

[Author]

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