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Hi all
My partner is very abusive, it has got so bad recently I just can’t take it anymore. Everyday feels like a huge battle and he is always having a go at me and making threats and demanding so much from me.
I would love to seperate (which will likely ebd up with police involvment if he keeps making threats to my life and carrying those out) The one thing that stops me is our son. He is pre-teen and such a lovely lad and we are cery close and get on so well, however he also adores his dad very much and I know if we spilt my son will truly be heartbroken and it will affect him badly. I just can’t do that to him. Has anyone else been or is in this situation.
My partner has also used our son as a threat towards me if we spilt i.e he will turn him agaisnt me and take him away from me. Can he do this? My son is my life
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Yes i could have written your post myself. The thing that holds me back is putting my kids at more risk I have posted it a few times. I know that so many people say it’s so much better for the kids if we leave and I get that. But I get the threats that if I leave kids r staying with him when I do mostly all childcare and look after them. If I left he would do anything to hurt me and I know he would try and turn the kids against me or take them. Some days iv got one foot out the door other days it all seems so much. I joined this page over 2 years ago and thought that there’s no way I could leave. I now believe I can I don’t know when but I’m trying to take baby steps. The future scares me no matter what my precious baby’s are my number one so I know exactly how u r feeling take care big hugs xxxx
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My husband also made the same threat throughout our (detail removed by Moderator)yr relationship.i stayed for my children. I didn’t want them to blame me , I didn’t want him to turn them on me .but looking Back he had been doing that throughout there childhood in some form or another. When I did leave my youngest was (detail removed by Moderator) and the eldest (detail removed by Moderator). Things had progressively got worse and that day I had no idea I was going to leave.i just snapped.the main reason was that day he had turned my kids so much against me he had them take my (detail removed by Moderator) away .to be degraded like that broke me, I stood there and was called names my both my children. That day I had no choice but go .I was broken .I knew I had to get out and get help from someone. I knew neither of them would come with me..the reason I’m writing what I am is because I let the years go by thinking I was doing the best for them, the best for them was for me to leave , I could only be what they needed me to be if I left and get away from the abuse.it was the hardest day of my life.but he had already turned my children against me.
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It’s taken a while but my relationship with my eldest is brilliant , my youngest not so good .I think overall both my children now understand a lot more and even tell me they are proud I left.of corse there’s still some hurt there but I also no the hurt would be far worse in the long run if I’d stayed
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Honestly sometimes the abuse is so so bad i think about just leaving myself and going to my parents, but I couldn’t leave my son. He is my life. Also I don’t want him to brainwash him.
I had to listen to him (detail removed by Moderator) telling me what a bad oerson i am and how I have ruined his lie.
Just leave!!
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My children were a similar age to yours when I separated from my husband… I felt so guilty when I separated and I knew it would affect them and it did… but… few years on now… over time I learned from my children that they were impacted by the DA, they did pick up on the tension (just as we do) and children can recover… it’s a rough road smallbutbrave, but so is remaining.
Keep posting
HFH ❤️ -
I thought my eldest was best mates with my ex (not his) and it would break my youngest heart but speaking to my eldest made me realise they actually wanted me to go, and my youngest was much happier post leaving. Those of you worried about brainwashing if you leave, take a sec and recognise he’s already doing that in your home now. In fact it’s worse because he’s doing it infront of the kids, which is teaching them it’s ok. Abusers need supporters and kids are an easy target to get onside. If you leave you have the potential to build a home safe from these behaviours. I know it’s not easy and I know it’s scary as hell thinking of your child being with him alone, I just wanted to share that right here and now isn’t as happy or safe as you think xx
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I’m not sure if this helps, but here goes. I left my abusive husband when the children were (removed by moderator). They are now nearly (removed by moderator). It has been tough because my ex-husband maintains the abuse levelled at me by criticising me and my parenting constantly. This hasn’t softened since we left. My eldest, a son, also has been on the receiving end of some complex manipulation from my exhusband who has said I am abusive, mentally ill, unstable, chaotic, poor care provider blah blah blah.
However, I believe this is far more preferable to the agony which would have ensued, were we to have remained at home. I would have been a shell of a person and the children witness to some deeply damaging behaviour regularly.
We have recently turned a corner, they both used to stay every other weekend, but this has started to decline with my daughter particularly unenthusiastic about staying. My son came to me to tell me my husband has been drinking heavily and they no longer wanted to stay. He has been very attached to his Dad something I now see as dogged loyalty and a worry that his dad was lonely. They now have sporadic day time contact and seem lighter and happier than they have in a long time.
This is a very long way of saying, I agree that staying – by the sheer volume of what they witness and the impact on you – will be more damaging than going. I know it seems destructive and difficult, but it is easier for children to see what it really is with some distance from it themselves and to have somewhere free of conflict to be at home for at least part of the time.
I wish you the very very best of luck.
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Yes I have.
I stayed too long due to the kids. It made it all worse in the long run. I too was receiving threats, assaults, verbal and financial abuse. I did not know what was to happen in the future and I was scared of him, scared of leaving – that is all I knew. I would do things very different now but the past is the past.
It got a heap worse after I left. Escalated out of control then. I still fear this happening again.
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