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    • #8326
      Marthamoo
      Participant

      I have been planning to move back out of my marital home for a few weeks. My new home is all ready to go (has been for months but split my time between the 2 houses). I have sorted childcare out for my youngest. He currently does the caring whilst I’m at work but I am trying to cut the contact for a while. Going to speak to work tomorrow about changing my work pattern. It really is full steam ahead and that is what’s frightening me.

      The changes to childcare start next week and he doesn’t know. So I am either going to have to tell him (which will cause no end of questions and arguments) or carry out my plan and move out later this week. He knows where I live so I don’t know whether to disappear for the weekend and lay low, or brave it out at my new house. I will have to face him sometime. I don’t know whether to tell him to face I’m leaving or leave him a note. A note seems like a cowards way out but it would be much easier and would save me the heartache of watching him crying and begging.

      I seem to be swinging for absolute fear to total calmness. If I don’t think about what I am planning to do I am fine. But as soon as I think about the weekend, my heart starts pounding and I start doubting I can go through with it. I have done this twice before and it doesn’t get any easier. All those doubts as to whether I can make it on my own all come flooding back. The door will definatley close on the past this time, there will be no return, and that too scares me xx

    • #8338
      White Rose
      Participant

      That’s pretty amazing Marthamoo.
      You sound so confident and in control so why worry about what he’ll think? Believe in yourself and re read your last sentence over and over until you really convince yourself it’s what you’re going to do. I believe you can do it and am looking forward to hearing all about how well it all goes at the weekend. No need to hide away. Say good bye as you walk out of his door and move to your new home and enjoy it. x*x

    • #8344
      Marthamoo
      Participant

      Hi White Rose. Thank you for your message. I am quite good at sorting the ‘practical’ things in my life. You give me list of tasks and I’m on it. But, I really struggle with the emotional side of things. How to deal with my reactions, his reactions, my children’s reactions, what will his family say?, will I offend anyone? etc. That little voice in my head starts working overtime. I can nearly convince myself that it will be easier to stay and be unhappy. Risk losing family and friends, rather than having to face the aftermath of my departure x

    • #8465
      newlife2015
      Participant

      Good luck – hope all goes or has gone well – your post stuck a cord with me and reminded me of how terrified I was before I left a while ago – I got so anxious I ended up having a full blown panic attack at work a week before I moved (I didn’t tell him)! I know that there is so much to think about but I promise you it will be so worth it in the end – I am so happy now to be free from the constant harassment and walking on eggshells. Not saying it is easy but it is so amazing to be free and not answerable to someone 24 hours a day. I did have a wobble about three weeks after I left and thought about going back -don’t know what I was thinking – be prepared for this and lean on friends, family and this group for support wherever you can 🙂
      Good luck

    • #8489
      Marthamoo
      Participant

      Thank you newlife2015. I am trying to get as much in place as possible to give him less excuse to try and contact me. I honestly don’t know what scares me the most at the moment. I feel like I am living someone else’s life. I am trying not to think about what I’m doing. If I do, I either burst into tears or start to feel really anxious. Why do I feel like I am doing something bad and why do I feel sorry for him? He has put us all through so much, and robbed me of so much. But why do I feel like I am the bad person? x

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