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    • #144725
      Needout
      Participant

      Today has been (removed by moderator) long hours of arguments. Accusations, threats, screaming and shouting. He actually makes me feel like I don’t want to wake up in the morning. I feel like I’m living in an absolute nightmare. Can someone please advise me on how to seek help from a shelter? I can’t take no more of this mental torture 😭

    • #144728
      Discombobulated2022
      Participant

      Hello lovely
      I’m so sorry to hear this.
      Ring refuge. It’s 24 hours.
      08082000247
      I hope you get some where safe xx

    • #144729
      Hereforhelp
      Participant

      There is a national domestic violence helpline which is run by refuge, and there is an online chat run by Womens Aid if you don’t want to phone. I think the links are on here.

      Sending Love and strength ❤

    • #144770
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hello Needout,

      Thank you for sharing what you are going through with us, I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling this way, it sounds like a really difficult and distressing situation.

      If it’s safe for you to do so, you can speak confidentially with a trained, female support worker via the webchat: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/ where you can discuss your rights and options. They can also help you make steps towards acquiring a refuge vacancy and can give details for a service in your area for further emotional and practical support.

      Please do get in touch if you can. You can also find your local specialist domestic abuse support service via our directory, here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/

      I hope you are feeling okay today – do keep posting and let us know how you’re doing.

      Lisa

    • #144777
      Prettyflowers
      Participant

      Please please please know you will get there, at the time this seems like this will never end, this will, I have been through the exact same thing please contact me if you need support, you never think you will get through the other side but as long as you are strong enough this will seem like a distant memory before you know it xx

    • #144856
      Needout
      Participant

      Things are just getting worse. It’s now a daily occurrence. Im trying to move some of the kids things into storage so I can just leave. I didn’t want it to be like this but I can’t do it no more. I feel so bad for the kids. It says online I have to contact on the day to see if there’s space. Is this how it works? Or can I speak to them n find out my options? Im struggling to think straight atm but I need to get out as soon as possible 😢

    • #144882
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Needout,

      Thank you for posting. So sorry to hear things are getting worse. You can contact the Women’s Aid Live Chat or the National DA Helpline whenever you have a safe moment to discuss your options. They can explain the refuge process and take a few details which can help the process once you’re ready, but with no obligation and you can remain anonymous at this stage if you prefer.

      Refuge spaces do change and update daily, so yes you need to contact on the day or the day before you’re ready to leave, but making contact before that can be really helpful. I hope that makes sense.

      You might find it useful to look through our page Making a Safety Plan and Preparing to Leave

      Take care of yourself the best you can,

      Lisa

    • #144886
      Hereforhelp
      Participant

      Hey Needout, How are you doing today? I wanted to add, if it is safe for you to do so I would suggest contacting Womans Aid/National DA helpline before leaving if possible. I say this as they can help you to safely leave (safety plan), when you leave your abuser it is the most dangerous time as they do not want to give up the control and they up their abuse. Your partner has already upped it (you say it is now a daily occurance), unfortunately they do this, mine did.that and then decided to make himself a victim…. bizarre… he then went on to threaten to kill himself which I now know is very common… I rang the police when he did it again and asked them to do a welfare check, he didn’t do it after that.

      You describe what you are going through as mental torture, that’s exactly how mental abuse/manipulation/gaslighting makes you feel as it is a form of mental torture. If safe can you contact your GP? I saw a female GP when I was where you are at the moment, I didn’t know what I was meant to say or how she could help but she did help me and it was good (afterwards) to have told her what had been going on in my awful marriage to a very abusive man. It is good to get as much support in place as you can as you are coping with so much x

      As Prettyflowers said above, it will feel as though it is never ending but it does get better, hd on in there. As you start to get all your ducks in a row you will start to feel better, the anxiety starts to ease up, breathe easier… I have been out some months now… it took me about 6 months to mentally start to feel better (I am also on meds for PTSD which helps and is quite common after being in an abusive relationship).
      Sending you warm wishes and strength, keep moving forward Needout, you can do this ❤️

      • #144925
        Needout
        Participant

        Thank you everyone who has took the time to leave a message. They actually bring me comfort knowing I’m not alone.

        I also tried to contact live chat for wa today but they were busy (understandably) so I will attempt again tomorrow. I have spoken to my gp but was a telephone appointment n I just broke down and told her I need to leave my home and why. She upped my medication (which isn’t making any difference) and gave me the number for self referral for counciling. However I really struggle to make phone calls. They make me that anxious that I want to throw up (also taking medication for this too) I really hope someone can help me out of here as he’s back to wanting sex again and I really don’t want too 😩 he just does not give up! Xx

      • #144944
        Hazydayz
        Participant

        Hello Needout and I hope today your having a good morning? A hopeful one at least. I have read here what you wrote and my sympathy is with you and I see that you have had replies from lovely women who are here to try and help you to. I see that your trying still to get free and I can imagine it’s hell now he has upped the demands. Sex is the last thing you need right now isn’t it especially with him. My thoughts for helping you get free are…if he is Coercively controlling you and it sounds like it! Have you though to go to the police? He could be arrested and charged on the strength of the evidence on your statement you can make. Allow time for this and get it done! He could then be forced to leave the family home depending on certain criteria. If your the tenant? Or you can get an occupation/ non molestation order too! That could protect you and guarantee hopefully? A less traumatic life and turn things around for you so your able to live a more peaceful one. Best of luck

    • #145025
      Newgirl
      Participant

      Omg that’s awful well done for speaking out x the meds will take time to work but the gp did say to me it won’t get better till you leave x try and contact the refuge as soon as you can lovely and get out of there x you are doing amazing and you will get there x sending you a hug x the kids will be ok as they will have your love which is all they needs x x x

    • #145458
      Needout
      Participant

      Hi all. Just a quick update. So after reaching out to shelter as advised they then safeguarded my children and I was receiving phone calls from childrens services (detail removed by moderator) I absolutely panicked. Iv never been so afraid. They kept telling me how they were going to visit my husband once I had left. I threw everything into bags and box’s as much as I could and left in one day. I am now sleeping on air beds with (detail removed by moderator) children and our belongings scattered around different houses. And obviously not one person has been in touch to check in.
      Iv never felt so let down. (Detail removed by moderator).

      • #145461
        Twisted Sister
        Participant

        Hi Needout

        I am sorry to hear what you are all suffering because of the abuse, and now you not knowing whats going to be happening. I am not sure why they are speaking to you as surely he’s the risk, so why they are not speaking to him and forcing him out is just bonkers to me!

        This is awful that you have to be made homeless like this whilst he sits in the family home with empty bedrooms.

        I am glad to hear that you have been taken in by someone, and that others have taken in some of your things.

        Its awful you feel let down, thats the last thing you need after what you have all suffered.

        Do call and try to get you a refuge space so you can at least have beds to sleep in, even if its only for the time that it takes for you to secure a non-molestation and occupation order against him so you can move back to the family home and he has to move out.

        It was very brave of you to speak out here, there are many who understand what you have been through and how you are feeling now, and want to send you every support for this horribly difficult time.

        warmest wishes

        ts

      • #145639
        Newgirl
        Participant

        Omg well done I know it’s hard but you can do it lovely x how are you doing now? I hope you are ok? Stay strong x we are here for you x never alone

    • #145786
      Needout
      Participant

      Hey all. We are currently still homeless with no means of any help from anywhere. Endless phone calls with promises of call backs that never come. My kids are really unsettled and my youngest keeps crying to go home. Im exhausted as im not sleeping much but hey tomorrows another day 🥹

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