I survived the weekend! There were some really tough moments and the grief and loss I feel is so overwhelming at times. It feels like a knife is being dragged across my heart. Even breathing feels heavy.
My weekend routine will probably become the norm for me now, lazy mornings with a pot of coffee. Food shop and meal prep for the week. Washing and life admin. The feelings of peace and calm I get from knowing that I will be able to do these things without worrying that my partner is going to be annoyed or irritated because I haven’t planned a weekend of activities for him is everything.
I still feel exhausted and mentally drained but that’s to be expected. My anxiety means that I either take hours to fall to sleep or I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart racing. I feel so consumed by this whole thing. Every second of the day I am thinking about the abuse and its aftermath. I’m trying to distract myself but its hard.
I’m looking forward to this week and getting into a routine again after the most difficult and stressful few weeks gone past.
I hope you have all had a nice weekend too.
X