The financial side

[Rockandrolldreamscomethrough]

So I rely on my partner for the financial side of things, another one of the reasons that’s stopped me leaving in the past. So recently when I made the decision to leave him I had sat down and worked out my bills against my income, it was doable just so that was good. I called the bank and sorted out my debts and am in the process of arranging a much more agreeable payment plan. Things were getting a little easier to manage. (detail removed by moderator) a letter comes through the door about a (detail removed by moderator) overpayment. There is no way I can afford to pay any more money out so I’m back again to relying on my partner. I feel so so low, every time I try to leave something comes and knocks me back down again so I have to stay 🙁 I have tried ringing universal credit, they’re closed until new year. I can’t cope with anymore things going wrong

[KIP.]

Citizens advice bureau are great. They can set up payment plans and even ring on your behalf. Its important that you get a legal separation as if youre married then his debt is your debt so before he senses this and adds more you need to get advice. Organisations are very understanding. Also if you can contact them first and get things moved into your name especially child benefit etc. It sets you up when you leave. Womens aid are a great source of information too. You do not have to do this on your own. My ex told me for years that inwound not be able to survive without him which was a total lie. Im doing great. There are lots of benefits available. It was my ex that was overspending. I actually manage finances much better than he ever did. No problem x

[Ruby2shoes]

Hi,Kip is that right about his debt being your debt. I’m in massive debt and saw a legal clinic last week and was told he is responsible for his debt and I’m responsible for mine but any debts we jointly hold are responsible for each other.

[Rockandrolldreamscomethrough]

Thanks for the advice KIP. Luckily the child benefit has always been in my name anyway (detail removed by moderator). I’m going to try not to stress about it till I can speak to them in the new year and explain what the situation is

[KIP.]

Do not stress over the financial side. There is lots of help out there. You can defer payment or make very small repayments for your half. Once you are free you can explore lots of other options. Take in a lodger, work from home, Avon etc. The main thing is youre safe. Its just that ive heard that some abusers get the benefits paid into their name as the primary carer so they get rent assistance, housing and other benefits that go with the children. Ring the helpline if your anxious. Dont let this put you off. Just take baby steps x get all your ducks in a row. I wish i had done that but he was always steps ahead. I had no idea he would be stealing behind my back. Wish id found Womens Aid years ago x

[Eve1]

I agree with KIP. She has great advice. Don’t worry too much about the finances. Abusers use finance to control us. It kept me stuck for years. Once you’re free, you can work out ways to improve your lot.

Good luck

Eve
x

[Rockandrolldreamscomethrough]

Thanks so much guys. Made me feel better. I was so upset when I read the letter.(detail removed by moderator) I have looked online and apparently I can make small payments or appeal the decision so I can sort that out in a few weeks.

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