The freedom program

[Minimrs]

So today I attended my first session of the freedom program. It was scary the whole time I was worried that he would find out I was there. And I didn’t feel like I belonged there after listening to what other women have been through I felt that what I had been through was nothing in comparison I have been told I’m high risk by women’s aid and I need to find a way out .but I can’t see what the risk is. The group also scared me about social services saying they take the side of the abuser. And one person had her children taken Off her so they can live with the abuser. This has really scared me.

[KIP.]

It’s very common for an abuse victim not to recognise the danger she is in. That’s why social service will intervene. That’s why women return to the abuser and are killed. His abuse became so normal to me that I just didn’t recognise it as abuse. We become desensitised. If women’s aid are saying you’re high risk, you need to get rid of him. You need to take a leap of faith and trust them. They have your best interest at heart. He doesn’t x

[KIP.]

You say you were worried he would find out? You should never fear your life partner. That’s a huge red flag.

[fizzylem]

Sadly M sometimes we do come into contact with women who do lose their children in these cricles – however, the women that this happens to (where the child is removed by SS) are those who can not see the risk they are putting themselves and / or their children in or they can’t provide adequate care. Yes sometimes on occassion they do also get out smarted by the abuser as well; but all of these cases above are rare, does happen but not a lot. Removing the child from the mother is usually the last resort.

I met a mother who had also lost her child too on my course, but it was quite clear to see this woman needed care herself and was not able to make sound decisions for herself – nevermind a child, I really felt for her as I could see she had been the victim of a hard life, probably since the day she was born; she couldn’t see the wood for trees and went round and round with her thoughts – which I could relate to a great deal, we all get this right? Sounds like she was unable to recognise she needed to get help, that’s why it’s so important we all reach out and make it stop. It’s a very sad reality isnt it when this happens – a shocker, but maybe use her experience to show you how bad it can be when we do not act and handle things in the right way. She will feel the pain of losing her child regardless of the how she got here, experience human emotions just like we all do. There will be more to the story as well, and chances are she may never share this with the group, understandably, it’s highly likely she will have severe trust issues.

It can be difficult meeting a woman like this for sure, conjures all sorts of thoughts and feelings. I would try not to compare your story to hers in any way. She may even not turn up again.

You are there for you, take from it what you need to help you, you can be kind and supportive, compassionate for sure, but we are not all the same victims of DA/V – we can identify similarities in his controlling and abusive behviours on this course but we all have a different back story and different vulnerabilties. Abuse is abuse and dreadful to deal with and recover from in whatever form it appears, there is no worse x

[Yellowflower]

I’m currently completing the freedom programme. I too sat down and felt like a fraud for being there…. that was until the course has started to develop and it’s honestly like we’ve all been dating the same man. Please please bare with it and I promise you it will help you see the abuse for what it is. Abuse it comes in many forms and we need to educate ourselves to even begin to digest it. The ladies on my group are becoming closer the more we share and I honestly feel like I’ve made friends who completely understand. We don’t know everyone’s story and their are people in my group who sit there and don’t talk. Their is a lady who has lost two children… but she does look like she has the world on her shoulders. We don’t know others stories please do this for you. I promise you it will be worth your time hunni x

[Minimrs]

Thank you for your replies. I guess I’m just tiered, scared and want it all to just go away. I hope this program can help me in some way. I’m finding it really difficult to want to leave him it’s like I’m stuck to him. He won’t leave the family home but I don’t want to have to take the kids away from their home. I used to love my little family and was very proud of all of us untill all of this happened it’s so sad

[Yellowflower]

I know how you feel I felt exactly the same the exhaustion is overwhelming. What’s so hard to accept is that isn’t the real him hunni. These men simply don’t have it in them to love. I’m not trying to take away good memories you must have and boy I hold on to mine too so I don’t feel completely like it was all a lie.. but this man is the true him. You can’t fix him or change him he has to want to do that himself and recognise what his doing to even begin to try and change. Even then statistics show its nightly unlikely they ever do. Take five minutes and think so you honestly want this for your whole life? It may also get worse in the future. Keep educating yourself keep going and one day you may surprise yourself how much strength you do have. You deserve so much more xx

[diymum@1]

everyday i speak to people from varying backgrounds. i present them with a potentially scary prospect (which is for their benefit) this is through work xx so what i see is three different reactions pure paralysing fear – ok come what may – and i know i will be fine. so when it comes to leaving an abusive relationship its mainly the first reaction because weve had lots off scary experiences. we hear other peoples bad experiences and we do become paralysed. im not sure if this analogy helps but its shows clearly that our feelings arent always what they seem. yeh the worst happens on occasion but sometimes if we know in ourselves we will be ok eventually and take that leap off faith we can do it xxxx hope this makes sense ! i did take a gamble but deep down i knew we would all be alright xxlove diymum

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