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I lived with abuse for many years, although I didn’t know it was abuse at the time. The term ‘domestic violence’ doesn’t do much when he did everything except hit me! It was only after I was free that I realised the awful truth.
Things exploded when he was arrested for child sex offences (we were still together when this happened). He moved out at this point, for obvious reasons! I subsequently had a breakdown and was hospitalised. Childrens service were involved due to his offences. Due to my mental health problems (caused by the abuse) they decided I was not mentally well enough to have my children. They were sent to live with family.
I was (detail removed by Moderator) This had to stop as news spread of what my ex had done. I didn’t feel I could carry on with that job after what he did.
So basically he has destroyed my family and my career and then he blamed me for having the breakdown! After this he kicked me out of my house, rented it out and has been hiding all the money from me ever since. (detail removed by Moderator)
I am angry every day at what has happened. I didn’t deserve any of this! He is evil and he makes me feel physically sick.
I have tried to move on with my life, but with him still having the financial control over me it was difficult. For some reason I’m still scared of him.
Anyway, he reoffended and is now in prison. It was at this point I initiated forcing the sale of the house. I have also reported him for rape and other abusive things. I figured that he will be pretty powerless in jail, so why not take the opportunity to get justice.
I know him very well, and I bet that the only thing he will be clinging to while he’s locked up is the control he thinks he has over me. Well he’s in for a hell of a shock!
My problem is that I flip between fixating on the past and fixating on the future. I can’t seem to live in the present. I’m either going over all the bad stuff that’s happened or I’m thinking about my future and worrying what might go wrong…….. My mental health has been much better over the past few years (counselling etc) and my OH and I have decided that in a couple of years we will have a baby. I’m fixating on it, worrying about it…….I flip between ‘I deserve to be happy’ and ‘but what about my older children’. I still see them.
When I met my vile ex I was (detail removed by Moderator), and now here I am, almost (detail removed by Moderator), wondering what the hell happened to my life! -
Dear Kitty, all I can say is that life sometimes doesn’t turn out how we hoped or planned it to when we were younger and starting out. I’m almost (detail removed by Moderator) and childless, not by choice but because the quality of the men that could have fathered my children was not high enough for me to bring one into this world. My husband was fantastic a lovely man who would have made a fantastic father, but our relationship wasn’t meant to be so we split up. I learnt recently during my attendance at the Freedom Programme that all of my adult life up until now, bar my brief marriage has been mainly with abusers or men who used me. I have found since dumping the last one and not getting together with somebody else there are chances to build resilience, understanding and coping strategies. I am viewing my past experiences as learning tools to help me to make better choices in the future. There have actually been times that i have wanted to thank my mentally abusive controlling ex as without my link with him I would not be where I am now. I do hope you manage to glimpse some of these strengthening moments as you go on, whilst maintaining no contact which is essential in putting it all together. X*X
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Thank you for your reply. I’ve had no contact for a long time and don’t ever plan on having any. Everything he says is lies anyway. I did the freedom programme just after I left him. I still have the book, and still look at it from time to time. My adult life is similar story really. C****y boyfriends who just used me or abused me. I think it started when I was a teen after my mum got married to a guy who treated me badly. He pushed me up against a wall and screamed in my face a few times. More recently he called my child a tub of lard. Freedom programme helped me to realise there was more than one abusive man in my life. I cut him out too! Feel much better for it.
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