This topic contains 13 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by  gran 2 weeks, 5 days ago.

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  • #103222
     gran 
    Participant

    I know a man that’s perfect
    as perfect as can be
    he never makes mistakes
    he’s cleverer than me
    the reason why he’s faultless
    is obvious to see
    he never helps in any way
    he leaves it all to me
    so how can mistakes be made
    by someone who does nought?
    just leave him by himself
    and then he’ll soon get caught.

    love granxxx

  • #103223
     TheHopeThatKillsYou 
    Participant

    Love this!!! x

  • #103225
     HunkyDory 
    Participant

    brilliant Gran – love your poems πŸ™‚ xx

  • #103238
     gran 
    Participant

    thanks hunkydory and thehopethatkillsyou.after being mentally abused all night bya hypocrite its surprising how quickly words flow into your brain. thi place is my only communication where i can let off steam, which really helps thanks love granxxx

  • #103244
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi gran, that’s absolutely spot on. Good to hear from you again.
    πŸ’žπŸ’ž

  • #103257
     Eggshells 
    Participant

    Brilliant. Love it. You’ve met our ohs then.πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

  • #103289
     Escapee 
    Participant

    Hi Gran πŸ™‚ Brilliant poem xx

  • #103299
     Apparentlyso 
    Participant

    Excellent
    In all honesty how boring is perfect. I yawn at my Mr Perfect πŸ˜‚

  • #103316
     gran 
    Participant

    thanks for comments everyone, he’s far from perfect by the way, he is a hypocrite, who does nothing but criticise and tell me how useless i am and how badly my loving parents brought me up, because i now answer back, after all woman is made from a man’s rib and shouldnt have an opinion but for some reason i can’t put one foot in front of the other and walk out that door.i just long for the day i’m free, but who knows if that will ever happen. last night he was moaning that i never cry so i have no feelings but i cry often when i get out of bed before he does and hug my late daughter’s picture. if i do cry in front of him he says it’s because i only care about myself because i’m selfish. i have given everything up that ilove in life, but i’m the selfish one. sorry about the rant but this is the only place i can get it off my chest, i’m crying now by the way. thanks for being here, you are the closest i have to having any friends, love gran xx

  • #103321
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi gran, I felt like you for so long. I left just over (detail removed by moderator) and I’m actually forgetting how bad things were for the most part. Forgetting that day to day existence, fear of saying,doing even buying the wrong things. Once we become aware of how wrong our relationship is, I mean truly aware, that is us on the first steps away from it. How long it takes to end it is an individual choice. Of almost ready to move out of refuge now, hope to be in my own place by next weekend at the latest. Ive been moving things down, sitting in the house, getting a feel for it. I remember when I first posted on here, one lady wrote that she was in her own place with her children and surrounded by boxes. I understand now how she must have felt that first night she slept in her own bed,yet had that chaos around her. It is overwhelming just how far we come, sometimes in a very short period for some,others it takes however long it takes. I’ll be surrounded by boxes fir goodness knows how long and I know it’s going to get to me,but im in control of how long they’ll be, just as I was in control of leaving. Just as you will be when it’s your time. Read back your post, read how it doesn’t matter if you cry or not, either way you cant win, that was me not so long ago. My mum died a while ago, still recently really but not like really recently. I felt nothing. I never,have never cried, for her or me. He took that away from me too. I came to a stage that I just had no more tears left. It’s not that you become selfish or hardened,i think it’s just another way of coping.
    Anyway, keep posting, we’ve missed you.
    IWMB πŸ’žπŸ’ž

  • #103393
     KillingMeSlowly 
    Participant

    I live with this man too. He does nothing and he doesn’t help with our child. I realised a while ago that he makes no mistakes because of that as he has no opportunity for things to go wrong He is not perfect.

    I make all the ‘mistakes’ (they are not really mistakes but he thinks so) so I get physically punished and emotionally abused for it. Like if our child falls over (detail removed by Moderator) and gets hurt the way kids normally do (a graze or a bruise), when I get home I get hit/punched etc.

  • #103399
     gran 
    Participant

    thank you for your comments i wantme back and killingmeslowly.kms please seek support safely, i don.t get so much of the physical stuff now just constant mental abuse and threats of violence, but i’ve been exactly where you are now, and it affected my kids more than irealised at the time. my youngest took her own life, please please get help and support secretly and with care, get a plan worked out but do it carefully and with support, you and your kids can have a better life, butdon’t say anything to him be very careful and getsupport package set up with w.a. i’m an old woman now but i haveso many regrets which i can do nothing about. iwm i’m so gld you are getting your life back, peace and happiness to you in your new home ,you deserve it. love gran xx

  • #103400
     Halfwayout 
    Participant

    Hi Gran, I read your poem last night and it’s been on my mind since. I’ve been out a relatively short space of time and it’s been peaceful. Financially I’m up to my ears but working through it. Your poems reminds me how determined I am to succeed in life, as I remember the times I was told by him I could never cope without him and take pride when I succeed at any little DIY job I achieve.
    This lockdown has made me feel that women like us who have lived through the trauma can possibly cope better with the anxiety, uncertainty breeds anxiety and if I can take or feel in control of my life then I can cope.
    I remember not feeling like crying, monotone, I would describe myself as, then I would have the bouts of depression and cry at the drop of a hat, I was told I was menopausal.
    What your experiencing is C-PTSD, I read up on how I was feeling and it helped me cope getting out.
    Don’t go it alone, find a friend you can confide in, you’ll need them, I wished I let mine know earlier especially when dealing with solicitors and stuff, I just couldn’t think straight for the fear.
    I’m so glad to see you’re out @IWMB, you were one of the 1st ladies I talked to on here.
    Take care and keep writing @gran xx

  • #103629
     gran 
    Participant

    thanks halfwayout, like youim made to feel useless at everything, but i now realise that i’m more capable at life than he is, he is codependant on me and wouldnot know what to do if i left him. in reality i am much more capable of success than him but he has held me back all these years and made me feel useless when really it is him that has always been useless. having said that,something always holds me back. he thinks i haveno wayout because of lockdown but i know that’s not true. i havenofriends, i don’thave an oppurtunity to make them. i am not allowed to socialise. by the way please dont think i’m mad but one of my ambitions is to be the fastest (detail removed by moderator) (i’m notquite that yet)runner, having to rush everywhere so that he doesn’t interrogate me on,what took me so long if i go shopping etc has actually left me quite fit for my age, who knows? obviously i’m a bit of a daydreamer. good luck in the future, love gran x*x

     

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