The morning after the night before

[Browneyesp]

Usually, after a c**p night at home, i come into work all bubbly, laugh and joke with everybody and then at some point when im alone i crash and burn. This is the first time i have been able to sit and write it down on here, and i feel somewhat a relief.
After finishing work (detail removed by moderator) and expecting to see my car waiting for me – It was not, i had done (detail removed by moderator) so phone had been ringing non stop, and now he was at friends in my car. Walked home to realise he had the only key and i was left sitting outside for (detail removed by moderator) until someone could let me in.
An hour past – Night bath, bit of netfix – Two hour passes – Three.
Our text exchange is very different from when i go out, he ignores me, doesnt say where he is, or will say hes on the way back and will be 5 minuets only for be to be left another hour waiting. What i have noticed, i get this weird anxious chill, im cold, my heart races, i cant focus on the TV, i just sit there in this strange frozen state because i dont know whats going to greet me at the door. I cant even go anywhere, my moneys gone, cars gone, clothes in the car, hes doing as he pleases and im left expected to be ok about it – And if i dare make a fuss, or say his behaviour isnt ok, he throws in all these false accusations about me cheating. I have never cheated on him, i havent even met another man during our relationship, but he completely diverts the conversation from his wrong doing and starts up a spillage of abuse about ME!
(detail removed by moderator)
He comes home, cuddles, starts the accusations, starts the questioning, they bore me now, i have heard them over and over again, he doesnt believe me whatever i say, i just repeat myself each time. Its draining.

I went to sleep (detail removed by moderator) just to try get some hours before work – I could tell hed been taking something and the last time this happened i was hit, so removing myself is the only option..He (detail removed by moderator) asks me to stay in the house, says he’s fine, we fall asleep after a few stupid comments made by him and i get up early get ready and go to work pretty much without a word.
Thats my (detail removed by moderator).
He thinks he can do as he pleases because in his head im the bad guy.
If this was the other way round and i was not replying, came back at 3am, drunk, it would be carnage!

Bored of having to go through this and keep up with a busy work life

[Anonymous]

Browneyesp (hug)

This isn’t okay. You shouldn’t have to sleep in your car through fear of what he’ll do. I’m sure we’ve all been there though, when you mentally can’t take anymore so you’ll literally do anything to not be around that person. I’ve tried to leave twice but got sucked back in with the sob story. You then find yourself feeling sorry for them so they’ve managed to twist it around on to you again.

You’re only human browneyesp and not designed to live with long periods of stress. You will burn out soon then he’s effected your physical health too. You need to try and gain control back of your life. Start researching his behaviour and educate yourself on why he does this, then when you’re ready, get your plan in place or make the call etc.

They don’t change, I can promise you that. They’ll make threats of all kinds and almost have you brainwashed into believing them. For me now I think I’ll face the storm but I have to be out of here and to not be alone, by leaving I’ll have full family support and then he’ll know he can’t do it anymore. Standing up to these ‘men’ is the only way to make it stop and we’re the only ones that can make it stop. It just takes alot of courage.

You can’t keep living like this. You are working and providing for himself and you, yet he’s taking control of your money, car and clothes etc. He’s raking away your basic human rights. He needs you, you don’t need him. Keep telling yourself that. This isn’t love. In time you will do the right thing but until then keep talking, keep telling the stories if you can. This will help you so much. Keep coming on the forum too, this will help you massively. Xx

[Eggshells]

A really good post there from @turtledove . You are in a situation that is becoming intolerable. That fear you feel when you know he’s coming home is not how you’re supposed to feel in your own home. It’s supposed to feel safe, a sanctuary.

When you feel ready, please try to call Women’s Aid and they can point you in the direction of your local DV charity. The services provided can be a bit mixed but at the very least, your keyworker should be able to explain your options when you ask her. They usually only tell you what you ask to be told so that you don’t feel like you’re being forced into anything but best to get to know your keyworker as soon as possible. You will feel more able to trust her if you can start to build up a relationship. She will support you with any decisions you make including a decision to stay if that’s what you want to do.

As @turtledove recommends, it’s really helpful if you can read a lot. There is a lot of information on the internet and there’s a booklist on the forum. I’ll try and find it and bump it back up to the top.

In the meantime, as @turtledove says, please don’t bottle it up. This is a good and safe place to vent. xx

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