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Recently I’ve taken my life back little by little socializing and taking the kids to fun things alone.
I had silent treatment yesterday because I took my kids to a football match something I haven’t done for years , we had an amazing day! He was invited and said he didn’t want to go like always because he never wants to anywhere.
When I got back he kept staring at me I. The end I said what’s the problem he said I feel like you don’t love me anymore you don’t give me love etc I think for me I just cannot get past his horrible previous behaviours and someone said something on here that has stuck with me which said do you really want to stay with someone who’s treated you so badly in the past’ the truth is I don’t. He’s better recently with money and helping me out more financially but everything is still on his terms aswell.
He hates me going out anywhere even with the kids I can tell he gets this look and starts being nasty as I did my makeup and hair yesterday and he started commenting about how I make everything about me.
I feel like he creates more drama in my life on purpose he got a dog without really asking me and I have enough on my plate with the kids like he wants the added stress for me.
I love the dog but I never really wanted it deep down it was put upon me like everything else. We had a dog before years ago and he completely destroyed the house and was unwalkable. He wasn’t bothered the dog was my job even though he bought the dog into the house and my son was a baby at the time and I couldn’t cope.
I love animals but I have a full time job and three kids so why add the extra stress to my household aswell plus my house is small too.
I feel like all he does he bring stress to me on top of his behaviours.
He’s so needy aswell wanting my full attention at all times and controlling in so many ways in subtle ways plays up so I don’t go out because he knows I don’t want the stress of his reaction.I’ve had to have my contraception removed due to a really bad infection so I’ve avoided sleeping with him for two weeks because he won’t wear anything he wants a baby and I’m terrified of having a child with him but it’s going to happen because I can’t avoid it forever. Just don’t see why he wants a child so badly when we have kids and I am just getting back on my feet with money and my job I can have a career if I want to now.
I just feel like he drags me down and I’m turning into my mother five kids animals and a life with an abuser and no friends I’ve actually started becoming her and I don’t want to be she’s still so unhappy but stayed.
I need to find the strength to say I do not want to be with you but it’s hard I do still love him in my own way and he’s being really nice recently I feel bad but I can’t forget the nasty things he does and says to me a lot and the Solent treatment he reminds me of that man on east Enders he even watches the show surely he sees he is like that man no matter what he does now the barrier I ive up against him will stay I know deep down what he is and always will be.
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Hiya,
Well done for organizing a fun and enjoyable day for you and the children. Ignore him and his negativity. Easier said than done I know. In fact impossible when you’re living with someone like that.
He wants another baby because it’ll stop you from leaving and he doesn’t want to lose his emotional punchbag (you). Also you’ll be left to do all the work in raising it.
My ex and his mother did the same and got a dog when I had a young baby. The dog although adorable was an extra stress and work as I was left to walk it, clean after it etc along with doing everything for my kids, and household and bringing income in. I was exhausted. Didn’t have time to bearly brush my hair. Just how he wanted me!
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I think he has got the dog to make my life harder his mind works in the most weirdest of ways he knows I am so busy with work and the kids so why put this upon someone I don’t know it’s just another example of his selfish behaviours. He knew I didn’t want an animal I’ve always been against having another dog after the last two year disaster but went over my head in doing what he wants not fair really. The poor thing will be alone all day while I’m at work I don’t think we should have a pet as we cannot put time into her like she needs but as usual my voice is not heard. I’ve promised myself I will take care of her no matter what happens and she will stay with me. He’s been messaging me all day asking why I don’t love him like I used to and all this c**p just being needy.
I think because the other week I went out and he lost it totally and when I got up the next day I point blank said no one treats me like this please leave my house and he had such a shock that I stood up to him that he knows angry mood swings no longer work on me anymore I’m totally resistant to it now.
Financially will be so difficult if he goes I could lose the house I live in in all honesty and I’m so scared to put my kids in that situation. I feel trapped just nowhere to turn. I’ve called women’s aid they said hostel but my teenage son won’t want to go my younger ones will have to go but he will kick off about it as he has friends and a life going on.
If you can give me any advice at all or words of wisdom I’m planning my move after Xmas
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Have you looked at the coercive control law it’s on the gov web site. This is what this is XX you could get him removed from the house you’d need an order. Is he aggressive or violent? X I’d get him out he’s the problem why should you and the kids lives be turned up side down xx WA CAB might be a good source of info xx rights for women ?
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Yup, he got you a dog to add to your load, keep you busy at home, and this is same reason why he wants you to have another baby. I would get some contraception straight away – maybe the depo? The last thing you need is another baby here hey.
A big part of why we stay is because we try so hard to keep things ‘normal’ for our children, keep them away from any emotional distress; but chances are they dont understand that dads behaviour is wrong, only that they love him, and they have normalised his behaviour. They dont ‘see’ or understand the need – so they need to get this hey – understand it’s needed; not ‘seeing’ dads behaviour is wrong only makes them vulnerable to his abuse and abuse in other realtionships as they grow – showing them there is a line here, what is acceptable and not acceptable behaviour is really imporatnt.
Ideally you need support for this specifically, you cant just wrench a child out of a sitaution and everything they know unless there is no choice, which tells me there must be help available for this aspect within a move to a refuge – have you spoken to anyone at WA about this, tried to establish what help there is exactly for this particular difficulty? xx
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