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Hi
I have a new bed, one that he will never see. I brought it for my rental because I need something to sleep on and my friends have put it together for me. I still need to negotiate getting some of my own furniture and things because a few months ago I walked out with a small suitcase and a backpack and apart from a tiny bit of self esteem and freedom that was all I had to show for 20 plus years of relationship.
Moving on is hard, the trauma bond is strong and I’m working on that. My family and friends are here and supportive. However when I move into my flat and shut the door, it’s just me. I will get used to being on my own and finding out who I am without him. I’m definitely in transition and it’s tough because of all the emotional s**t I need to work through.
But I have a new bed, a flat ,a house that will sell eventually, possessions can be replaced or maybe reclaimed ( not going to put myself at risk for some plates and a sofa )
He told me I would fail, that I was fat, ugly, lazy that I should be grateful to be with him, that no one else would love me , that he would never let me go, that I was pathetic and boring, that I was thick and so stupid, I was so pointless I might as well be invisible.. and obviously worse.
However I haven’t failed and I have a new bed x*x -
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he was wrong, wasnt he – very very wrong. all those things he wanted you to feel about yourself couldnt be further from the truth of who you really are.
same amount of years as you, same trauma bonds only no dont worry about crockery – i threw out several plates & bowls this morning because believe it or not they were too triggering!?!
you have shown such strength & determination. many women will see your post & feel hopeful. you are an inspiration.
keep going lovely lady, you deserve this & much much more x -
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Hello,
nbumblebee, yes i am looking for the brightest colours, the softest throws all the things that I love. I don’t have a teddy bear to hug but eventually I believe there will be another dog in my life and I can wait until it’s the right time.
Minimeerkat, he got me so wrong, I stood up to him for years and also cried and diminished myself too many times. Interesting that things like plates and bowls can be triggering I shall bare this in mind and make a list of the items that are important to me. He has asked for a list that I haven’t given him because actually I don’t want those things to be destroyed or disappear ( oh yes he would do this )
Gerbil, thank you, I have slept in at least 10 different beds since I left and I’m now really looking forward to having my own bed again.
Ladies all the Thank Yous and Hugs in the world, I’m not trying to be an inspiration to anyone. When my friend sent me the photo of the bed yesterday I cried big tears of sadness, because sometimes it’s all too much.
He literally sucked the joy out of my life and stole any sparkle I ever had, half a life is not a life.Stay strong x*x all the love
Hiya xxxxx -
hiya@ how embarrassing for me to say crockery was triggering! it was only because of certain things he always used out of the set or ones he had chipped. yet the things you are hoping to still claim, are probably safe & would not bring about feelings in you that werent welcome. am also like you re: the dog x
perhaps you do feel like its all too much at times (which is perfectly natural), maybe your heart is still breaking some days – but no matter how you are feeling you are an inspiration. because theres a chance that women who are feeling stuck, never ever seeing a way out will read your post & see that there are possibilities. and women who might be on the verge of making that terrifying move will read your post, & it be enough to give them the courage & strength to go for it.
he may have tried his hardest to keep you down, keep you weak – but you are showing such confidence, competence & strength. because in reality it was always there x-
Minimeerkat,
Do not be embarrassed being triggered by crockery ! There are many things that trigger me, fortunately we had quite different taste in stuff so if I like a thing it’s unlikely he would.
My heart is still broken, I hate that it is but time will heal and the no contact rule helps for sure.
That last time, something just clicked and I just thought , nope you are not going to humiliate me anymore, I was so ashamed of myself crying and begging to be let into my own home, shame on him ! You do not treat the women you profess to love that way, so it motivated me to leave and freedom tho hard is good and I know it will continue to get better.
When I have settled there is definitely room for a dog.Take Care lovely
Xxxxx
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