(detail removed by Moderator) feeling triggered (very bad week)

[Pea2020]

Anyone else feeling triggered (detail removed by Moderator)?
(detail removed by Moderator) brought a lot of stuff up for me and I just can’t get it out of my head, no matter what I do! Stuff just keeps running through my mind on a loop.

I have also found myself feeling so sad and angry at myself for not taking photographs or voice recordings when i was living with my abuser.

I could never report him, there wouldn’t be enough evidence.

[Twisted Sister]

maybe it might help to write it out, for yourself, or here. Its sometimes the only way to stop it spinning around inside, by putting it out there.

I think it would be worthwhile you looking into what evidence is required, as a lot is about your statement being evidence, giving examples of his behaviour and the pattern of it. People will know that you are talking your truth, and see his reaction. Its up to you, but you can look into it so you know what your position is, especially if the only thing holding you back is your fear of lack of evidence.

keep talking and hope its helping.

warmest wishes

ts

[Pea2020]

Thank you for your reply.
I keep thinking about one particular time that he assaulted me, again and again. It’s crazy making, no matter what I’m doing, the feelings and visuals of it keep appearing in my mind.
I have found myself obsessively re writing my original list of things he has done to me, in a way that is more coherent to others.
Maybe there is a part of me that hopes this can be used, if I was to report.

I will look into it further and see what might be needed.

[Twisted Sister]

oh bless you.

I will struggle to talk further about any detail, because of how badly it triggers me, but I think I get what you’re saying, but do keep writing it out, and posting here because there will be other women further along their recovery that will also help you with this.

Everyone finds their own way of working through the way they feel after their abuse experiences, and this may be the way that your mind is going to work through it, and as a helpful byproduct you will end up with your statements! I hope so, and then you can choose to use them or not, see how you feel.

good luck with it and warmest wishes

ts

[Wants To Help]

Hi Pea2020,

I’m not sure what has triggered you as the details have been removed, but if you are writing things down then that is a good way to start.

I found writing about my abuse very cathartic. I never reported my abuser to the police, but there was so much that happened during the relationship that I just felt the need to get it out somehow. I remember reading a book called NOT WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER by Betty Mahmoody and it was about how she escaped from an abusive relationship. I was inspired by her story. Another book I read by an abuse survivor was called IF I AM MISSING OR DEAD by Janine Latus. Reading these inspired me to write my own story and I self published it some years ago.

All of us have been through so much and we all have a valuable insight in to domestic abuse where we can use our experiences to help or warn others. My justice was not about my ex getting prosecuted or accountable for his actions (Karma actually took care of that!), I found peace in using my experiences to help others, to raise awareness of the subject and how it impacts people so that hopefully they don’t make the same mistakes that I did.

So by writing it all down is a good place for you to start. What you do with the information you write is then up to you depending on how you are feeling at the time.

xx

[liftingthefog]

Sending you the biggest warm hugs.
I’ve spent the last two months triggered by so many things, dozens daily, as I come to accept the abusive life that I have been living.
My head just wouldn’t stop, even when I thought I was asleep.
Finally in the last week or so I am finding a few hours respite from those thoughts …. I haven’t done anything in particular other than the practical day to day things that have to go on. I think my respite is having finally accepted that he is and always has been an abuser is taking me out of the fog that I was under when in love and denial.
Be kind to yourself, give the love that you used to give to him to YOU. Be kind to yourself and accept that the journey to freedom is long, difficult and exhausting. As you walk that journey remind yourself that it is not as difficult or exhausting as living 24/7 never knowing where and when the next bullet, ongoing shrapnel or tank is coming from.
I hope that you’ve done the Freedom Programme. Available online if you don’t feel strong enough yet to join a group.
Big warm hugs 🤗
Xx

[Author]

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