The Power and Control Wheel

[KIP.]

In Domestic Abuse

If you’re having any doubts this is such a simple tool. I’d recommend you google it x

[Lisa]

Hi KIP,

Thank you for sharing.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Cosmicasca]

It gave me a massive wake-up call. I recall looking at it after the first few red flags. I only found one or two behaviours across the whole wheel that applied to him. I thought oh it can’t be that bad then. A short time later (after another red flag that turned into argument but seemed lovingly resolved) I had a n****e to look it up again – an instinct. I argued back with the instinct that it hadn’t really applied last time I looked at it so what was the point. Nevertheless I gave into the n****e and I got the shock of my life. In just over three months he fitted at least one or more things in every spoke on the wheel, average three or four, one or two spokes they did everything as I remember. The escalation and the realisation of who he truly was was stared me in the face, and it has really made me understand what I’m dealing with as I move forward.

[Cosmicasca]

I just wish to add that it’s heartbreaking to realise who he was, and I’m still 50-50 in denial. Bizarre isn’t it, how we can still be in denial.

[KIP.]

Yes when I was first shown this I was just leaving the relationship and very traumatised. Looking at it years later is a completely different experience. Trauma robs us of valuable headspace. It’s only after therapy and time that that headspace is starting to return.

[Eggshells]

This is really interesting. Thanks for the tip KIP. I have to say that from my experience, the wheel applies abusers of both sexes. If you took out “Using male privilege” and replaced with a heading of “Sense of entitlement” it would apply to my mother and my ex just the same.

[KIP.]

Yes a lot of abusers use the same tactics but with intimate partners there’s that added physical threat. It’s just one tool to use in spotting them. A cowards way is also to pick on someone weaker physically. I’ve had it from my mum and my sister so I know what you mean x you have my sympathy

[Author]

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