The same old cycle…

[Ocean]

I’m really struggling today.
I cant accept how he is or the things that have happened.
On top of that I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me just to cope with sending our child to contact after everything. I just want to believe our child is safe.
If our child is safe, then why did I ever think otherwise? I’ve forgotten it all.

[Lisa]

Hi Ocean,

I’m so sorry you were struggling yesterday, I hope today is going a bit easier for you.

It’s absolutely normal to have these times of doubt and second-guessing yourself. Domestic abuse can be so confusing because the abuse is coming from someone that society tells you should be looking out for, caring about, and loving you. The more overtly nasty side of the abuse often comes in cycles with “nice” behaviour in between and there’s a tendency to downplay the nasty bits and think more fondly of the nice because it’s difficult and unpleasant to think that this person who was close to you was being abusive.

Are there past posts where you wrote about his behaviour that you could look back on? Memory can be strange around trauma, the way things are stored gets disrupted, not being able to access those memories by choice isn’t that unusual. Trust that you were pushed to the point of having to leave in order to protect yourself and your child and know that you are not alone in how you’re feeling.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Ocean]

Thank you xx

[Author]

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