The Silent Treatment.

[roadtohealing]

It been days since he has uttered a single word to me. He comes and goes without saying a single word. I don’t know which day he will be going to work or working from home, I’m just guessing where he might be and when he will be home.

We have been married for a long time, he have an adult son together, but that’s about the only ‘togetherness’ there is in our marriage. It never was a bed of roses but as time has gone on, things have got worse, and right now I really do not know who the hell he is anymore.

The more I try to approach the idea of talking, the more he pushes me away and becomes more argumentative, any attempt made on my part to end this frosty atmosphere leads me being met with his shouts and foul language or deathly silences, both as bad as each other.

He has also taken to sleeping on the sofa or spare room, he will not sleep with me in the same bed now which although I’m not missing the affection that was never there, it has left me feeling hurt and rejected, just another form of abuse to add to his growing repertoire..

There’s no physical hurt, no punch, no bruise, no controlling jealous behaviour, nothing that can be outwardly seen by others, and so others tell me ‘oh he’s such a nice man’, but just because something cannot be seen doesn’t mean it can’t destroy you bit by bit each day, silently..

Withdrawal of communication and intimacy is such a cruel way of making you feel powerless and lonely, and that’s exactly how I feel right now, so I have come here to put my feelings down, I’m hoping tomorrow will give me more strength and that you ladies out there find your strength too..

[Bananaboat]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Whilst the silence is cruel I used to find the sudden switch to being nice and expecting you to just forget all the bad treatment almost worse, then you find yourself grateful they’re being nice and almost enjoy it, it’s crazy isn’t it. I found the best way to handle the silent treatment was to own and enjoy it. Do something for yourself in that time, go have a bath, read a book in bed or watch tv, pop out to the shops, enjoy having the bed to yourself. Please don’t sit in the front room with him in silence he’ll be enjoying that. I know it’s really hard but you deserve better xx

[roadtohealing]

Hi Bananaboat,

You’re absolutely right, he does enjoy it. I totally agree with you and I do try to make the most of the peace and calm around the house while he sulks and refuses to talk to me, but after a while it does get awkward.

Sharing a life, running a home, not being able to discuss finances everyday things like that become impossible when you’re not communicating, and it all ends up putting more strain on me. The silent spells may for a while be positive, and yes I can use them to my advantage, but in the long term it just weakens the relationship that’s already to falling apart.

I can really relate to what you wrote about the sudden mood switches and being expected to forget about the bad treatment and to act as though nothing has happened. I get this all the time, it does make me feel as though I am losing my mind, and it hurts like hell to think that I’m not even worthy of an apology, just expected to carry on like nothing has happened.

We all deserve better, none of us deserve any kind of abuse. At the moment I can’t change things nor can I change him, all I can do is find ways of coping with the situation. As cliché as is sounds, I’m just taking each day, in fact each moment as it comes and trying my best to get though it with my mind and dignity still intact.

Thanks your kind words.

Take care 🙂

[Teaandcats]

…but just because something cannot be seen doesn’t mean it can’t destroy you bit by bit each day, silently.

THIS. This every day.

[Teaandcats]

To me, if it were for a few hours, silent treatment was a short-term relief. A welcome break from the barrage of emotional and verbal horror.

But when it went on for more than a day, it would put me on edge even more than ‘normal’, leave me feeling confused, rejected, (more) alone. It felt awful.

[Author]

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