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We experience such pain during and after an abusive relationship, wondering if we could have done more, if we were at fault ( not helped by the fact that the abuser denies responsibility or blames us!).
I’ve read a lot around the subject of abuse, teams of articles, in order to get my head around everything. I’ve plumbed the depths of self-blame and self-hatred, interspersed with moments of clarity where I can see him for the manipulative monster he is.
The fable which I have come across, below, states the truth in a clearer way than most:
“A scorpion sat on the shores of a river one day, needing to get to the other side, but the river was too wide. He begged the various water birds if he could catch a ride, but they pragmatically turned him down, knowing only too well his cunning and his sting.
He caught sight of the lovely swan making her way down the river, and cunningly appealed to her attributes.
‘Please, Beautiful Swan, take me across the river. I couldn’t imagine harming anything as beautiful as you, and it is not in my interest to do so. I simply want to get to the other side of the river.’
The swan hesitated, but the scorpion was so charming and convincing. He was close enough to sting her now, and yet he did not. What could go wrong? A trip across the river would only take a few minutes.
She agreed to help him. As they crissed the river, the scorpion expressed his gratitude and continued to offer his compliments about her loveliness and kindness compared to all the other negligent river birds.
As they arrived at the other side, he prepared to jump off, and just before he jumped off, he lifted his tail and stung her.
Crying and injured, the swan couldn’t understand why he’d done this, after all the flattery, the promised and logical explanations.
‘Why did you sting me?’ she asked.
He looked at her from the river bank and said ‘I am a scorpion. It’s who I am.’ ”
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Nothing you do or could have done can change things: they are what they are.
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This is so good! In my story:
The swan didn’t know what a scorpion was. She happily, without hesitation took the scorpion on her back. The scorpion whispered sweet things to her and every now and then gave her the tiniest sting when he thought she was going the wrong way. The swan didn’t know it was the scorpion giving her the stings. She carried the scorpion a long, long way up the river not even noticing that the original journey had changed; had changed many times along the way. Sometimes the swan felt very sad and lost but still she didn’t blame the scorpion. She drifted as if in a fog. Jumping each time the scorpion stung. Eventually the scorpions words and stings had to get stronger in order for the swan to move at all. One day the scorpion stung so hard the swan came out of her fog with a jolt! “Its been you all along!” she realised of the scorpion. She threw him off her back and he scuttled away. The swan preened her feathers, slowly getting them to lay down where he had ruffled and frayed them over a very long time. She straightened her body, held her head high and swam in her own ditection at her own pace, stopping to look at, taste, and smell what she wanted to.
Xx
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That’s beautiful, I Will Be Ok- and totally like my experience too!
I didn’t know my ex was a scorpion either, until very late!Yes, KIP, I thought of the graceful swan image too ( for new ladies, my amazing DV support worker told me to appear like a graceful swan during court proceedings, even if paddling like mad under the surface).
Yes, let’s hope that all the scorpions get their comeuppance.
I love how you say, I Will Be Ok, that your swan set off at her own pace. My challenge is to go at my own pace. Certain people always seem to be hurrying me.
I have a wonderful image of my mind now of a peaceful, graceful swan, making its way through the branches of a weeping willow, the dappled sunlight reflecting on the water..such peace and joy we can enjoy without those parasites! There’s still a lot of beauty in the world.
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