There is no escape, is there?

[Ziggy]

I finally changed the locks some months back. Man, I was free. For the first time in years, it felt amazing to breathe. No anxiety, no fear.

I was pregnant at the time, with my baby who was a matter of months old. I now have a second baby.

I spent the last few months of pregnancy housebound. A previous incident, where he hit me with the side of the car, left half of my pelvis rotated. So I really suffered in pregnancy. After birth, I allowed myself time to heal. It hasn’t been long at all. But as a result of all this, he hasn’t seen the kids much over the past months.

He turned up at my house. Was shouting about divorce, kept shoving the front door open, kicked off in the street, threatened to go for custody.

It’s really shaken me up. I’m struggling to breathe again. And I’m terrified of losing my kids. Even a day a week is too much, how am I supposed to keep them safe? I left him for the sake of my kids. Now I’m wondering if I am supposed to go back to him for their sake, too? At least I can protect them that way. But I can’t bear to be with him.

Can someone offer me some honesty please? I feel trapped. There is no way out and there is no escape. I wish I didn’t exist. What the hell, this guy has ruined my entire life.

Edit: I just want to add that I have very little proof of his abuse. He’s a charming guy, literally everyone adores him. It took me so long to convince my own family that he is the problem, not me. I don’t stand a chance against him.

[LozzyX]

Oh Ziggy sorry to hear you having such a terrible time due abuse. Are you getting any support? Have you called the WA advice line for safety advice and any other support such as the freedom programme or support groups in your area?

He has frightened you in your home. Fear tricks us into either inaction (so we don’t leave for example) or going back to what we think is safer..
But it’s all a trick.. you know deep down it will be just not safe at all for you or your children to take him back

[KIP.]

My advice is to shout and shout loudly. Abusers brainwash us into thinking no one will believe us. I believe you. Not one person didn’t believe me when I spoke up, his behaviour is so typical of an abuser. Start by keeping a journal of all his abuse, right from the beginning. Keep all texts and emails, any evidence at all. Get some good legal advice, tell everything to your GP. That’s excellent evidence. Don’t allow him Contact because it’s not safe for you and your children and stick to that. Allowing a dangerous violent man near your children is not protecting them. That’s the most important thing. Protecting your children. Ring 101 and ask to speak to a domestic abuse police officer. It’s important you have support from somewhere like women’s aid who know the system, can help with getting a police marker on your home. When he’s told to stick to the rules, that’s when his behaviour will escalate and that’s the proof you need that he’s abusive and unreasonable and certainly not interested in the welfare of his children. Hitting you with the car is attempted murder and could have ended much worse. The police will take this extremely seriously and help keep him away. You need to expose his behaviour and believe in yourself and the truth x Living with the fear of his threats will destroy your mental health. You want to be happy to enjoy your children and your children need a happy healthy mum x

[Iwantmeback]

Oh Ziggy, going back things will only get worse, because you will take more abuse from him so he won’t wake the kids, you’ll put them in another room turn a cartoon on put the sound up, so they won’t hear him hurting you. Go be your inner tigress, roar loudly(just not at him) take back control. We all know it’s easy writing this, but doing so is terrifying. He’s just a man, a little boy crying out inside a man’s body.no amount of love will EVER be enough for him. You have two babies now, they are his reason for hurting you more. he’s no longer the centre of your world, they are, but to make him your world again he’ll do anything to make you think only of him and that’s abuse. . you’ve been away from him, you’ve been free, he’s trying to take back your freedom, don’t let him. Please contact WA, call 101 to speak to domestic abuse officer, 999 if he comes near your place again. Go see your gp, let them know what’s going on how he’s making you feel, the more it’s documented, the more it builds a case up against him.
Please be safe, be strong
Much love and strength
IWMB 💕💕

[Lisa]

Dear Ziggy,

I just wanted to offer some support. I understand that it can feel like there is no escape, especially when there are children involved. Many women consider going back to keep an eye on the perpetrator around the children. However it is not the answer, as you know the abuse will continue and get worse. Going back to an abusive environment is not the best for your children. You have taken huge steps by getting away, its normal that the aftermath is extremely challenging, but I really hope that with a bit more support and time you can get to a place where you feel free and safe.

You’ve received some good advice above; it sounds like there are some additional actions you could to help you to feel safe and able to protect your children.

I think it would be helpful for you to speak in confidence to the Helpline on 0808 2000 247 and they can talk through your options. If you feel able to you can report this recent harassment to the police. You could find out about legal orders to protect you in your home. You can call DV Assist about this. Also, you might want to consider a Prohibited Steps Order (PSO), which relates to your children; read more about these on the NCDV website or Rights of Women website.

The helpline could also talk to you about refuge if you feel that getting away and making a fresh start could help you in the long run.

Kind Regards and Keep posting,

Lisa

[diymum@1]

please dont go back to him that will exacerbate this situation no end. did anyone see him kick off in the street that day? would they write down what they saw? if you take measures to prove that he is abusive that includes how threatened you feel thats enough. you do have to catagorically state that you are terrified of him and you have young kids. thats what i said to everyone that i was petrified and i was xx were taught/brain washed in to being scared to speak up and to play it down – try not to say how you feel it will set you free i promise love diymum xxxx

[Fudgecake]

I agree with what has been said previously. You’re free from abuse and more importantly your children are not witnessing it when you are free. Staying with him is not going to work out well and the effects on your children will be lifelong. Now is the time to think of you and your children. Seek support from WA but please don’t weaken your resolve. No one should live in fear.

[Author]

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