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Yes, you’re right. These guys (abusers) and some women too (my mum and my boss are abusers (bullies)), are selfish (me, me, me..its all about them and their wants, needs and desires.
They are entitled, arrogant and dominant. They are addicted to Power and Control in their relationships (not just with us, but with their children, their friends and their work colleagues too). They get a buzz out of seeing us in pain, pain that they have brought about by their abusive actions towards us.They get a ‘high’ out of seeing our lives become unmanageable, our minds and emotions a ‘mess’ due to ‘our normal reactions’, to being in contact with them.
If they weren’t so hurting and damaging and destructive I could almost feel sorry for them, they don’t know how to ever love another human being, they can only love themselves. Selfish, completely to the core. Pathetic.
At least we can heal from the damage and hurt they have caused us (may take years). They have no hope. They are imprisoned by their own selfishness. We can get free (using the strategy of ‘No Contact’ from them) and go on to live a flourishing life, but they can never escape themselves.
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That is a cruel thing to say to you. Everything that comes out of their mouths is horrible. Nothing good comes out of their mouths unless they are trying to ‘flatter’ us, charm us and deceive us.
They have a ‘bad mouth’, nothing good or true can come from their mouths. Glad you posted his horrible comment about your lovely boys on here so you can get support. That was hurtful and mean.
Can you go no contact with him so you don’t have to listen to his verbal junk?
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What an empty life he must lead, not finding joy in helping, encouraging or nurturing others or helping others in need and feeling proud at doing so- instead, resenting any difficulty in life and resenting life itself and other people for not playing to his tune and being easy or perfect.
He will never know that feeling of peace that you might have ( sometimes!) of laying your head on your pillow after a hard day and knowing you’ve managed, despite all difficulties, to keep your kids safe and warm and cared for.
It is in their makeup to think in such an abusive and unkind way, and to have low-tolerance for children, animals and those in need or with disabilities.
Ironically, I met my ex in the content of caring for those with disabilities. He went interested in caring for those people: he just wanted the visa to work abroad that went with it. And he was poor at caring.
They don’t like caring for others. They are mean-spirited.
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