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Happy to say Im out, have been years and this forum helped me so much whilst i was trying to leave. Im thriving now. Yes abuse changes you, but i am happy and content and surrounded by people who love me. What a difference.
Recently ive been told my ex has a terrible life now. I think the drinking has a firm hold. He has been witnessed talking to his partner badly. My adult child who he alienated has come back to me and started telling me about times her dad was cruel to her.
I spent wasted time questionning if it was me or him as he seemed to have it all in his new life. Not so. I have no contact but hearing these things has given me more strength to be there for my child. If your ex is with someone else and they were abusive to you. They WILL do it to them. Stay safe xx
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Hi there happy bean. Yes you are right they dont change. Ive been out couple of years. He found someone else a while back and i were distraught thinking will he treat her any better.. and at first it looked that way.. he tried to change and do things with her he never did with me.. even changed his appearance. But as we all know its short lived he lost his temper with her a few times so she got rid.. i cut total contact altogether with him last summer its the only way or else its not possible to move on. I have 3 autistic sons.. but slowly we are moving forward.. and now i couldnt care less.. xx
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They certainly don’t change! I was wife number 2 – he told me his first wife abused him. He told me that with his puppy dog eyes and crocodile tears – lies! He beat her and their children.
I left after years of increasing emotional abuse and now I know our daughter was subjected to his evil ways in a deeper and more harmful way than I originally thought.
He’s on “new woman” number 4 now (yes 4!!!!!) 2 moved in and were the love of his life – lasted 6 months at most and then left – I heard from a mutual friend they left because he was too controlling. One had the sense not to move in and told him his faults publicly before making her exit.
Number 4 is relatively new but love bombing is well under way according to our mutual friend.
Part of me feels I don’t want to know of his life but people talk and I suppose in a way it validates my experiences.
One day he’ll stop – but I sure won’t be attending the funeral! -
Thanks for this. My ex turned my son against me. Bought him and lied to him so we have limited contact. I chose not to fight it but to let my son discover for himself, although I suspect he already knows. He’s trapped in The Obligation and Guilt of abuse. But I’ve told him my door is always open. That’s all I can do. I know my ex mortgaged himself to the limits to buy a guilded cage for his new gf and her children. She too is trapped financially and when things go bad, which they will, he is going nowhere and she will be trapped with her children. History repeating itself. His first wife was abused too and he would tell me sob stories about how she trapped him and cheated on him. Blah blah blah. Exactly what he is telling his current gf about me. Word for word lol. No they don’t change. They just move from victim to victim. Just be thankful we are free and can see their dangerous dysfunctional games x
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Funny how they always accuse us of exactly what they are upto. I think that’s why so many of us are accused of cheating because that’s what they do. If you listen carefully to their nonsense it’s actually them confessing. My ex accused me of stealing his money. We had a joint account and it never occurred to me when he took my bank card that he would be emptying the account. So ladies that are still with their perps. Listen carefully to their accusations. It’s actually a confession x
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I agree with KIP that they are confessing when they accuse you of things. Mine told me that I was incapable of love, that I was crazy, that I was a liar, that I was boring and people didn’t like me.
And no, they don’t change. My mother stayed married to my father for over 50 years (he died last year). He was abusive, foul tempered and aggressive throughout those decades. -
Yes my mums still in the cycle with ny dad 45 years.. she deeply regrets it though.. but she said back in them days you made your bed you lie in it. Im glad i broke the cycle. My dads nearly 75 various illnesses but still emotionally abusive she said her lifes been ruined. X
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So glad my post helped. I never forget thete are still people going through this. Yes I had parental alienation used. But i kept telling child everyday I loved them despite no response back. I just wanted to leave it easier for them to contact me. I never said bad things about her dad to her. And just focused on myself and becoming emotionally healed. And yes the validation helps doesnt it. I think its so hard to understand why people can be like that that you question if its you. It isnt. I had all the projection too. Quite scary because he oncevsaid Id said id destroy him. I knew that was his aim. But leave them to it and theyll do it themselves. Thanks for sharing your comments xx
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