Think it's probably over this time..

[equinoxal]

Hi everyone, hope you’re all well- haven’t posted on here in a couple of months as I effectively moved in with him and he would have seen my internet usage. Now I’m back home & think it might really be over (for real this time).
As mentioned before we’re in a long distance relationship so spending so much time together made things worse between us. Such as:

-Shouted at me and called me a ‘f*****g idiot’ in public because he was angry I was being absent minded at the (detail removed by Moderator)
-We shared some food together, he got angry (detail removed by Moderator) Because of this, he made me sleep (detail removed by Moderator) and wouldn’t speak to me for 24 hours (I’m not joking)
-When he found out (detail removed by Moderator) he said I was ridiculous and again, wouldn’t speak to me for 24 hours because of it. I’m seriously not even exaggerating!
-During the time he wasn’t speaking to me, he could hear (detail removed by Moderator) and I kept refusing, so he broke up with me. (Of course he changed his mind a few hours later)
-He was taunting me about (detail removed by Moderator) and when I became upset, started crying & shouted at him because of it he became so cruel, and got in my face telling me he should spit in my face for being such a b***h. So naturally it ended with me apologising for being a disrespectful b***h

There were several incidents like these that were so nasty I genuinely wished I could just die. Things have been even worse now I’m back home. The other night he told me I should kill myself because I’m so useless and stupid and brain dead. I’ve put up with this abuse for so long that I just became hysterical and said I really would kill myself (I meant it). He completely changed tactics then, became nice and loving and calling me ‘babe’ etc even though he had just called me a worthless idiot ten minutes ago. It once again ended with me admitting that I was a bad girlfriend and I would try harder. To clarify: according to him I am a bad girlfriend because I talk back to him, I don’t try to become more intelligent, I’m selfish and ignorant etc.

(detail removed by Moderator) he wanted to call me and I said I was just out (detail removed by Moderator). He then launched into how I’m ridiculous- why? Because I’m apparently wasting my time (detail removed by Moderator). I refused to agree that I was wrong because it just DOES NOT seem wrong to me, (detail removed by Moderator). I literally have to buy food in order to survive! Because I wouldn’t admit that I was wrong he said I was a stupid idiot, he wished I was smarter. He just completely mocked and degraded me and told me I had no future. When I said I just don’t get how it’s wrong, he somehow perceived this as me being a b***h (I can admit when I’m being snarky and/or rude, but I really was not this time) and he completely lost it. Called me a worthless c**t, and then told me he would (detail removed by Moderator) if I didn’t call him immediately. It’s a threat he’s used many times before and he knows it works so he continues to use it (detail removed by Moderator)). This was the first time I didn’t give in, told my family to block him on all social media so he couldn’t contact them, and went about my day.

I think even he knows a line was crossed and it’s really over between us now. The thing is, I don’t feel anything? Even though I know I have suffered extreme psychological damage from him over the course of our relationship, I feel completely numb to the fact it’s over, no emotional response whatsoever. Is this normal?

As always I’ve rambled for so long, sorry for such a rant, I just needed to talk to people who could relate! I find it hard to tell family members about the abuse without them assuming I’m crazy as well. I think that’s another of the downsides to being in an emotionally abusive relationship, that people who haven’t experienced it themselves think that we must be stupid/crazy etc for staying in such a relationship.

[KIP.]

Hey, maybe this is what you needed for your own peace of mind. To convince yourself that he really is abusive. To prove to yourself that you did everything you could to save your relationship. That’s how I felt. It’s like I had to wait until he crossed a line, which he did. Take this as your opportunity to escape from his grasp. Block him and lose all his contact details so that you’re not tempted. Re read your post and see how abusive he really is. Ask yourself if you would advice a friend to date someone like this?

[EeyoreNoMore]

Take the control back hun, it’s not for him to control you; that’s your job.

Like KIP said, block and delete. If you have no kids, no house and no marriage to this guy you’re in the incredibly strong position that you’ve seen him for what he really is.

You’ve seen through the lies. You know he doesn’t love you, he loves the power he has over you.

If you take the power back he has nothing and you have everything.

[danicali]

what a severe headworker he is… any man who makes you so despairing that you feel suicidal – good grief way overdue to get out and never return… yes it’s hard when you’re in love with them but still… you have to look at it from the outside and what he’s doing to you – and well least sounds like you have done now you’re not with him… try not to get sucked back in because he will probably try very hard to get you back

a good man will make you feel happy, positive, normal, stable. a bad man will make you cry all the time, upset you all the time, give you the silent treatment regularly (i had an ex who did this and while I was still sucked in, it drove me mad and this exactly why he did it), call you names, bring you down, tell you you’re the abuser or the crazy one (with zero acknowledgement of his own abusive behaviour that is causing you to be so upset), blame you for it all, show short bursts of niceness or affection that disappear as soon as they came, etc etc etc

and no, abusers don’t like to be challenged or called on their behaviour – they won’t hear anything to do with their own appalling behaviour it’s all on you – and sadly, society backs this mindset

life is too short to suffer these kinds of men. i swear they exist to bring good women down… there are good men out there, yes they are hard to find but they are out there, somewhere, and if not, you’re better off on your own – tell you something you don’t know, right? x

[equinoxal]

Thank you all for your responses. I am determined this time to really stick with the break up. He keeps sending me funny and loving texts because he knows it’s worked before & I’ve given in. It’s taking every ounce of willpower I didn’t even know I had to not respond to his texts! A problem I’ve always struggled with when we’ve broken up before is just blocking him as people always suggest- I feel so bad just blocking him with no notice. Even though I know he abused me, it just feels too hard and harsh to just totally cut him out. Ideally I would want an amicable break up, where we both agree to end the relationship and leave it at that. Maybe I’m wishing for something that just can’t happen though…

[Apple pie]

Oh you poor thing

It’s all so depressingly familiar. Sorry to say it like that. But all those instances that eat away at you and slowly erode you and disturb you life… and you apologising. I can empathise because it is exactly what my life is like.

It drags you down and stops you being able to be normal.

You can’t keep up with normal life and routines because they constantly phone or not even that. You just need to be on constant alert or you feel guilty everytime you miss their call. It’s hard to relate to other people because your life becomes a bonkers chain of ‘petty’ instances. Not petty to you.

Stay strong and try not to go back. If you feel numb it’s understandable.

Constant bully ing does weird things to you

You have to cope some how. Your body produces hormones and it effects your responses for a while.

Take care
Well done for reaching out and it’s great you can offload here

X*x

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