Thinking about going back. No support after I left

[RainbowsandSunshine]

I’m not sure what to do. My head is spinning. Me and my children were removed from my partners house (detail removed by moderator) months ago and I have been told that outreach will not come near us because MARAC hasn’t happened yet. I’m now just at the point of saying I give up! No support here at all and the silence is killing me. I still keep an item of his clothing with me because I miss him so much it hurts. I’ve tried to phone and get things sorted for us in our new area but so far I’ve got nowhere.

[Twisted Sister]

Oh gawd love, this breaks my heart, and I can so relate. I have the same, in a completely strange community, alone, with no support. I am not understanding why they can’t come to your now that you are in a new area through? Is he stalking you and might know where you have gone?

I’m so glad you reached out here, sending you loads of strength for your fight to stay away from him.

It can be a massive drop out of the chaos and coniual adrenal drive, to silence and empty feeling… From massive heightened anxiety to nothing! A shock to adjust to.

The only way of getting through this is distracting yourself, posting here, calling the helpline, trying to access every support you can.

Even Samaritans, although they are not the specialists there havebeen some amazing women (I out the phone down if a man answers). I have had loads of support from them whn there’s no-one else around.

(((Hugs))) my heart goes out to you love, you hang on in there, this is a huge part of movig on doing the emotional separation, and yes its painful but it does pass, it truly does.

Can you get I to some activity that you love locally?…is there a freedom programme running near u?

Do keep posting

Warmest wishes ts

[RainbowsandSunshine]

Thanks, freedom thing??? I know my ex partner is actively looking for us and I’ve been informed about him using private investigator or something? But I’m not sure if he has or is.
I can’t decide if I’ve got some kind of contagious disease or something because I’ve not had any input from “professionals” at all. I’ve been told that if I go back then the children will be removed from my care. How did I get to this point? How do other people in these positions do this. I admire everyone that has survived this massive amount of mess that currently resembles my life.

[Twisted Sister]

Oh love…it is hard, but you are right at the sharp end and I find it so hard to understand why you are left in unsupported at such a critical time to keep you safe and supported.

It does make me put my own plight in perspective.

Keep strong and keep posting. We do all understand what you are going through right now, and it requires a time of intense self care from you. But we are here to help

Warmest wishes T’s

[Twisted Sister]

Have you told the police and servicea that he is actively trying to find you, stalking?

This is a very real danger if he finds you.

There is a stalkng helpline, and the Suzy lamplugh organisation and an organisation called Paladin.

How do you know? Does someone know he is trying to find you? How likely that he could? Havvyou changed your mobile phone number as this could lead him to you.

Warmest wishes ts

[shine bright 2]

Hi rainbowandsunshine,

I was moved because if having to (Detail removed by Moderator). (Detail removed by Moderator) miles from home. Had a lot of support initial but finding it hard as all that dies away and we just have to get in with things. I’m here if you want to talk…I know how lonely it can be

[Twisted Sister]

Shine bright2! Hi!!

Sorry to hear of your isolation, but I’m sure I remember your name from some years ago on here?

It’s such a massive upheaval of your life, I feel he same, like I left the person I was behind, don’t know anyone here, have no ability to relate to rl anymore.

Sometimes there is no choice because of further risk to your well-being/life, but escaping is only one part of it, having support to rebuild and reshape your life is huge, and just not there for everyone, landing in a strange place with absolutely zero contacts. Not even a GP you know in the area.

There are friendly faces around, but I think I have lost so much of who I am.

Warmest wishes so lovely to see a familiar friendly face here

[Twisted Sister]

It’s whats missing…the missing link for women who totally uproot their lives and those of heir children to disappear into nothing as a refugee, battered and abused as everyone congratulates themselves on ajob well done, we save that family’s lives, but at what cost to that family and the misery than can ensue after which is a huge factor in returning to the abuser, the familiar particularly if that abuser offering the world, its very hard to see/believe that as not being a very real alternative.

Home is powerful, support and familiarity is powerful. It’s extremely difficult to escape and, takes huge resolve and strength to stay out, often at huge cost to self and children, a lot of which could be addressed with proper resettlement practical and emotional support, and long term often times.

I do recall your fight shine bright2, I am so glad to hear you and yours are far away from very dangerous man, but sad that it’s not him that’s been sent far away from you and become the refugee. He’s probably getting lots of support cynical

Warmest wishes ts

[Lisa]

Hi RainbowandSunshine,

Welcome to the Forum and thank you for posting. I am pleased you found us so I hope you find the support here from others who understand. Well done for reaching out, it must have taken a lot of courage.

I am sorry to hear of the abuse you have been through and the lack of support you have had. It is a very difficult time for you and there should be support available for you. Have you spoken to any local support groups? You can find details of local groups here.
Victim Support is another source of support. The 24hr National Domestic Violence Helpline (0808 2000 247) is also available to talk things through with a Helpline Support Worker at any time. The Helpline can discuss any options based on your circumstances as well as signposting you to other supportive organisations. It is a busy service but please leave a voicemail requesting a call back if you are not able to get through.

You and your children deserve to be able live a life free from abuse. Please do keep posting to us, there is a lot of support here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[RainbowsandSunshine]

Thanks for the warmest thoughts from you all.
I think ive now been put in touch with the fb local support team? I’m still feeling very confused and not sure which way to turn for the best. But I’m extremely hopeful that we will get through this mess and my ex-partner will leave us alone so that we can be free and no longer in fear. X

[Twisted Sister]

Oh I really hope so, and lovely to hear back from you, especially as you have some local support

Warmest wishes ts

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