Thinking about him.

[Anonymous]

Middle of the night he pops into my head. Most nights are lonely and all I do is thinking about him. Look back at our memories we shared when we were together.
I read back the messages and all the nasty ones too but I still love him. I can’t move on. I honestly thought we would be able to fix it. All I want to do is just talk to him. I’m so heart broken. It’s been months and I’m struggling to see this will be our future. 😢

[Broadbodiedchaser]

This is totally normal. Several years after leaving, I still think about my husband everyday. I have reoccurring dreams of jealousy where he meets someone new and I awake feeling sad. This is normal amd a way of your body processing your loss. It shows us what we put into our relationship. We go through grief, it makes no difference that it was our decision. In many ways, it wasn’t our decision. We had no choice. We did the sensible thing, and we feel grief. I miss the good times but when I feel regret I picture myself sat in the pink chair… curled in a ball while he lectured me about my mistakes, my faults and this reminds me how absolutely awful I felt. How I could not speak, and why I left.

Embrace the happy memories.
They are bound to be there, else you both never would have met. Remind yourself why you left. How did they make you feel about yourself? Everyone deserves to feel loved and respected.

[Eyeswideopen]

Thank you for this. This is exactly how I feel. I had no choice, but it’s still sad it had to happen. And I don’t want to kill the good memories, I dont want to nurture hatred towards him… I cant not love him, given all we did together, our kids… But I know I deserved better and life is generally better without him.
I just wish I could stop caring about him, I still constantly worry about how he is…

[Thewounded]

I completely get that too! It’s like a shock to my system. The abusive behaviour has put a strain upon me and I now see why ex with a younger woman and is getting married. In a way I feel jealous that this was something he had promised me but because I didn’t obey by him. The outcome was for him to completely shatter myself.

[sweet4]

Me to its the grieving process, this morning i was thinking of taking him back, so i know these feelings are natural,and memories, we all have memories, then i have to remind myself, why am i stil living in my bedroom, then remind myself the last major argument we had, telling me to get out, nope i am done in, enough is enough.

[Anonymous]

I do remember why I left, but that choice was forced on me due to social services. I was pregnant at the time I left and that hurts in itself. He’s unable to even now be civil with me and have a civil conversation. He still blows up at me and then when he doesn’t get his way blocks me. I hope in a few years time he grows up but I’m not holding my breathe. Alit of my feelings are anger because he just won’t be civil. It’s pathetic. He’s with someone new which from what I read isn’t advised when separated. But hey it is what it is.
I wish I could just have him be civil with me. But it’s impossible for him. I’ve tried to be decent with him but he can’t do the same with me and that just makes me more and more angry. I miss him and still love him which I can’t tell a soul too.

[Author]

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