Thinking of dropping charges

[colouringinfairy]

I’ve been going back and forth over this for months. I’m still waiting to hear if he will be charged for (detail removed by moderator) but I feel the longer this looms over me the less I am moving on. I have moved to a whole new area, in a gorgeous new flat with my best friend. My job is great, my parents have moved back to the country, I got a gorgeous cat, I’m single and meeting great people, I should be happy and getting on with my life. But I am not. Because this case is hanging over me every day and it’s making me so stressed and anxious. And if he is charged he won’t plead guilty. His lawyers will probably go after me and my mental health history. I’ll have to see him and his family (I refuse to have a screen up if I were to testify). And there’s a high chance the verdict won’t even go my way! And how long could it take? It’s already been (detail removed by moderator). I just can’t take it anymore.

(detail removed by moderator) and he says I will need to go to the police station and withdraw my statement. Then I saw a photo of my ex (detail removed by moderator) with his arm around some girl (fairly sure she has a BF) and a (detail removed by moderator) in his hand so he is CLEARLY still drinking when he knows he has a problem and he assaulted me when he was blind drunk! Now I feel confused. He deserves to be punished. I hate the thought of him moving on with his life and being happy when he almost destroyed my life, and he broke me. He broke my soul.

But I just don’t want to go through this anymore. I can’t take it. I want to move on, be happy, be at peace and eventually be in a position to meet someone else.

If anyone could share their experiences and give me some advice/guidance I would truly appreciate it 🙁

[KIP.]

Lots of people drink and don’t assault people. It’s not the alcohol that’s the problem it’s him. Are you getting support from victim support or women’s aid. I know how you feel as mine dragged on and on. What I can tell you with absolutely certainty is that I would have regretted backing out before seeing things to their conclusion. Whether that’s the police saying there’s not enough evidence or court and conviction. It was my way of holding him accountable. You can ask for a video link when giving evidence if it ever gets that far. You can’t predict what these men will do with the legal system. It sounds like you’re doing really well, getting on with things. Are you receiving counselling? We are extremely vulnerable for a long time and can make rash decisions. Whatever you feel like doing, give it another 24 hours and see if you still feel the same way. The longer the court process, the more time you have to get stronger x

[KIP.]

It’s common knowledge that one in four people have mental health problems. I was asked and just admitted what I suffered from. It didn’t help him one bit because it was obvious it was his behaviour that caused it. Ring victim support helpline x

[colouringinfairy]

Oh I know he assaulted me because that’s who he is – he is an abuser. Just with the alcohol he loses all self control. When sober it’s just mental and emotional abuse. I am receiving counselling. My therapist has been away for the summer and I decided to take a break due to having to put a lot of money into moving house but I am seeing her this week to discuss everything.

Part of me feels like I would regret it but the other part is just desperate to move on and be done with all of this. I want me back and I don’t feel I can do that whilst this is lingering over me, going on and on and on when I should be getting on with my life and not looking back. It’s so hard to make the right decision. I hate him for what he has done to me and the position he has put me in. I’ll never be the same again.

[KIP.]

Try to think of it on the back burner and out of your hands. Hopefully the investigation is taking time while they gather good evidence. I’d let the system work on him while you crack on. Imagine his delight when he’s told you’ve backed down. Actually I found holding him accountable fitted right in to my recovery. Building my confidence and self esteem. Knowing I’m having the final word. Good riddance to bad rubbish x talk it over with your therapist, work on exercises to reduce your anxiety x it has to be your decision at the end of the day. I can only say the longer I had, the stronger I became and the less relevant he became x

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