Thinking of refuge he just wont listen

[Xxxdreamcatcherxxx]

In thinking of going into refuge, my recent ex partner is not having it thst we are over. Iv discovered he has had abusive traits towards ex girlfriends in the past.

Im scared that i will lose my kids if i stay here or if i go to refuge. I need to protect them from their dad as hes been violent towards at least two of my children, and my recent ex. Hes soo determined that we go away together (detail removed by moderator) as a family of six. Hes even got to the point of saying he will divorce his ex wife and raise my kids as his own.

He came here (detail removed by moderator)  and i asked him to leave, but he didnt until he was ready and he knows i wont cause a scene in front of the kids.

If i dont answer his calls and ignore him, he comes up the house, and if the door is locked will bang the door.

Really dont know which way to turn anymore, scared i cant do right for doing wrong.

[Iwantmeback]

What an opinionated self-centred so and so he is. He’s your ex, he’s still legally married and he’s got the audacity to bully and intimidate all of you. Sometimes these men really do b..w me away with their sense of self. Write down all instances of his abuse towards you from after he’s no longer in your life. Call the police each and everytime he appears at your house banging on the door. Have you called women’s aid helpline yet. If you can’t get through call your local one, i found mine a few listings down on my phone when I was looking up women’s aid initially. Also have you spoken to your doctor about how all he’s doing is affecting you, it’s somewhere else the abuse is logged by a professional. Children aren’t taken from their mother unless in extremes situations. By you reaching out letting people know what goes on, you are showing you are the responsible parent who is trying to protect her children. ALL abusers will say they’ll get your kids taken from you, they’ll say you’re an unfit mother, they’ll even say you take drugs or too much to drink. They’ll threaten you with going to court for 50/50 access even if they’re not the biological parent. Under no circumstances allow him access unless a court decides this. This is your chance to start to build up a case against him.
You say you know he’s been violent to ex’s in the past. Is this word of mouth or have you filled in a domestic abuse disclosure form online (known as Clare’s Law)doesnt matter if it’s word of mouth because these people could confirm what they know to the police too. 💛 please find the courage to call the police, ask for their domestic abuse team, irs time to show this’man’you’re taking back control. You don’t have to let him in when he comes round, instead lift the phone and dial 999. You’re scared of this man, he’s hurt your children physically emotionally and verbally. Trust me, children take this into adulthood and it really damages them, (i say this ftom learned experience😩it damages future relationships if they have any, it damages their sense of worth and confidence. It can even lead to them committing suicide. Speak to WA, get the emotional f d***y you need from them in the real world. Keep posting on here, read others posts, build up your confidence by gaining our knowledge. You are not alone in this.
Keep a, separate journal and write down everything he’s done to you and the children, start at the most recent and work backwards, include dates,times if possible and if any witnesses were there. It doesn’t matter if it gets jumbled up, some things we hide away in our memories until needed, it’s never in chronological order. I’ve been journaling fir years, decades.
Welcome to the forum, it’s our lifeline, it’s a lot to try and deal with on your own, impossible after a time. We understand how scared you are, but it really is only us who can stop the cycle of abuse before the next generation continue it, your children. Sometimes you’ll feel such comfort from what is written here, sometimes you’ll feel someone diesnt get what you’re saying, nothing is said to hurt another on here, it’s really anout how we’re thinking at that particular moment in time. Lisa, our moderator, is lovely, supportive and constantly checking our posts to make sure there’s nothing in it that could identify us or sometimes the posts are removed because they’re not relevant to DA (domestic abuse). You’ll learn so much about how all abusers act the same, you’ll really begin to see it is nothing to do with you as a person it’s how these men work. They hunt out nice kind women sometimes single sometimes with children, thers no stereotype, as there’s also no stereotype to the women they abuse. They’re all Mr charming in the beginning and then depending on how good they are at manipulation within weeks months or years the mask falls away and you’re left with an evil monster, who like all monsters will show his nice side every so often in which to confuse you even more. You can do this my lovely, you are so much stronger than he’ll ever know. You’ve had 6 babies you can destroy him. 💛💞💜
Find your inner warrior princess and let battle commence(and no I don’t watch Game if Thrones, I’ve never even seen it yet, it’s on my to do list once I’m free)
Best wishes IWMB 💕💕

[Lisa]

Hi Xxxdreamcatcherxxx,

Thanks for your post. Please consider giving the Helpline a call on 0808 2000 247 to discuss your options, including refuge. We understand that a mother’s greatest concern is regarding your children; going to refuge demonstrates to any professionals involved that you are taking positive action to protect your children from his abusive behaviour. A Helpline worker can talk to you more about any concerns or questions you have.

You can also read through the page in the Survivors Handbook ‘What is refuge and how can I stay in one?’.

If you want to stay in your home, then you may need to consider reporting his ongoing harassment and abuse to the police and obtaining an injunction to keep him away from you and your property.

I know both of these are scary steps to take, so keep posting and talking, there’s lots of support available to help you make your decisions.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[freedomtochoose]

Just wanted to say well done for posting. The life of myself and my child got better when we went to refuge, although there have been tough times along the way. I have never regretted it.

If you work your way through this situation by accessing help, that is the best protection possible for you and your kids. And people, including ‘professional’s wouth their salt will acknowledge and recognise that. Good luck on your journey…you have being incredibly brave.
all best
ftc
x

[Author]

Posts