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But I keep thinking I’ve driven him into the arm’s of another women. And I feel as though if id of tried to make it work it would of been ok. I feel even guilty for knowledging myself on the abuse through freedom programmes as this is what made end it. He’s cut completely of from all of us now probably as we’ve hurt him so much x
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I don’t think you sound mad. I felt huge shame and guilt for not being able to fix things, for not being enough to make it stop then for causing hell to be unleashed because I said enough. I’ve been in contact with him again and he has admitted to me what he did to me…crazy I know but I needed to hear him accept the things he had done, as though I’d he didn’t accept it then it was never really real, was just in my head. I felt huge relief when I heard that. I had convinced myself that I was some sort of pathological bully because I walked away from emotional abuse and control. I felt I was mad. Despite what everyone told me. Please trust me you did not do this by just saying no more. He did these things. U didn’t wake up one morning and decide you were bored so you would fill your day with the freedom programme and give your partner a right bashing. You knew in your heart that whatever you were feeling you shouldn’t be, whatever was happening was wrong. Now your grieving for the lost good bits, the promise and dream of what you thought would be your life. I know because I feel that way too. That doesn’t mean though it was your fault or someone else can do better. You can’t make sense of any new relationships he has, people only see what they want them to see. My partner actually told a relationship counsellor that. Astonishingly. It’s true though. You won’t ever know exactly what goes on in the new relationship and because you have been made to feel so useless you imagine it’s bliss and she can succeed where you fail. Wether that’s true or not you need to remember the reason you aren’t with him anymore is because HE wasn’t treating you correctly. Not some failing of yours. X
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I could have stayed with my ex, if that were to happen I would have had to;
Beg, plead, cry and sob for him to want me.
Become increasingly seriously mentally deranged whilst doing this
Beg him not to leave me, possibly making a serious suicide attempt as the prospect of being left by him was devastating to me
Be put into the position where I was such the little woman, he would be cheating freely, lying to me all of the time, taking my money, making me feel increasingly confused and feel like I was mad, letting me down, making false promises and the middle of all of this, promising me undying love and telling me that I was his soulmate.Betterdays, I hope I’ve given you some idea of the ‘relationship’I would have had if I had got back together with him. Thanks but NO THANKS!
With yourself, you think that you have driven him into the arms of another woman and he is the poor little boy lost. I don’t know exactly what you have done to make him do this. He gave you two black eyes years ago, called your autistic kids thick, threatened to throw people through windows, abandon his autistic son who is already suffering from shaking problems which you believe is down to his dads abuse towards him. You have been with him for over 2 decades, always putting up with everything. He cant manage you developing strength, he needs someone he can be abusive to. You are doing 100% the right thing, creating a good life for you and your sons, you are better off without him. Honestly. Your just having these horrible thoughts & feelings right now. As the time goes on you will start to feel differently, sometimes drastically differently. It is huge ups & downs every day. How about how much he has hurt you and your sons, your son has never known any different has he. X*X
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I know Betterdays, i was kicked to the kerb without even a second glance. Nothing since either. No explanation, talking, explaining, apologizing, nothing, just silence. I gave that man my heart and soul, more than I had ever given to anybody before. I will be honest and say that I was so heartbroken for months after we split. I knew that I didn’t want to be with him anymore, but the rejection and uncaring discard, going from having someone so full on in my life, so intense, to then go to zero, it tore me apart. If he had talked, explained and acted decently it would have saved me so much pain.
But the more you post on here, maintain Ncontact, read up on the n********t abuse books (HG Tudor books are all short reads free to read on Amazon, have a good read of these links
Traumatic Bonding
You WILL get through this and you will emerge on the other side so strong, inner strength where a good life awaits for you and your lovely boys. X*X
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Dear BDs, Mini mayhem is going through the identical thing as you. X*x
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