This is not easy

[Chocolatebunnie]

He is constantly saying I don’t back him up, he’s had enough of me. He keeps using the threat to leave, I say go but it’s forgotten. This is his latest tactic.

I think he wants me to agree with his opinions and the way he is disciplining the kids. But he’s not always right, can’t I sometimes add my opinion. I feel like I’m being the naughty child for saying anything and I’m punished. All this is seen by kids.

One of the younger ones is now having problems with their dad. He is rebelling against his Dad as he doesn’t feel heard, respected and he’s getting very upset. Dad is getting frustrated, angry has no patience. Even to the point social services were assessing (this is in the past and I was seen safe parent) as he had smacked at times and then (detail removed by Moderator).

He kind of prodded or pocked, or a small shove I’m not sure, the other day, my eyes are wide open and this doesn’t sit well. He knows how far to go to not quite overstep the mark. But this behaviour is wrong. It’s happened to the older ones too. I’m just worried about the psychological damage it can cause.

The (detail removed by Moderator) is favourite and spoilt which I think has made me the nasty person who says no when dad’s saying yes. His parenting can be c**p there’s junk food, not getting them to bed if I’m busy and I could go on. But I have realised he is parenting for himself it’s to make himself feel good. I’m sure when the (detail removed by Moderator) becomes opinionated things will change.

I feel such a rubbish mum and I don’t know why I’m not just booting him out now! But we need him just now with my older child’s health. I’ve held on knowing this as it’s a big thing about to happen.

I’m just so tired and my health is suffering I feel like I’ve shut down, lost the fight and although I’m seeing it I acknowledge it, I’m numb just surfing and plodding along.

Everyday seems to end with him being miserable and then the next day he acts like nothing ever happened. Or he will make contact during the day, I presume he worries that he’s upset me?

I have reached out and ow have support but feeling rubbish right now.

[Lisa]

Hi Chocolatebunnie,

You are not a rubbish mum. You have your eyes open to what’s happening and you disagree with him when he’s wrong to safeguard your children, even though that means increased abuse towards you. Social Services deemed you to be the safe and protective parent for a reason. If you need him for now, that isn’t forever. Do remember that if his behaviour is getting worse towards the children and it’s worrying you, you can reach out to Social Services again to discuss your concerns.

Sometimes plodding along and getting through is how we need to continue the fight for a while. Well done for getting some support in place for you.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Chocolatebunnie]

Thanks Lisa

Your reply has been really reassuring.

Can be very confusing at times living this way. It’s good to have another person to share perspective

[Author]

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