This Time Of Year

[Strongenough]

Years have passed since I got out, but this time of year always makes me think of how I felt when I was in my abusive relationship.

I used to dread Christmas and cringe when people would ask what we were doing. My ex wouldn’t allow much celebration and I was estranged from all my family because he had isolated me. I used to lie to people, saying I couldn’t really be bothered with Christmas, feeling so sad inside I couldn’t buy my child everything I wanted to or celebrate with family.

I used to look at all the houses glowing with Christmas lights in the evening imagining how happy these people were and wishing I could be in one of those houses, me and my child.

The first Christmas I got out wasn’t anything like I imagined, we had no money, in temporary accommodation with no Christmas decorations, but we were free.

Fast forward to now. We have freedom, I can decorate the house how I like, buy everyone in my family gifts and spend the festive period surrounded by family and friends.

For anyone experiencing a hard time at this time of year because of an abusive relationship, My heart goes out to you. I know how you feel. Please keep posting, reaching out and moving forward. You deserve better and are worth more, everyday of the year 💓

[nbumblebee]

I love christmas so much.
He has already told me that he is going to spoil it. He knows just how much I love it.
Little things like he wont let me put up the tree yet but he has put up his winter village.
He has never brought gifts and moans about cost all the time but I still buy them. I tend to cut back on food shopping so i can buy some gifts in with the shopping. I will cook clean and fuss all day he will sit complain and moan. But my kids are home and thats what keeps me focased we play games we eat drink and laugh he wont join in the games but he drinks. He wont get nasty as other people are there and we all know how nice they are in front of others. I pretend i forget I smile.
For me its the inbetween bit when everyones gone home but work hasnt started back up thats the hardest bit for me. Im alone hes horrible and for me new years eve brings back some bad memories so i always always struggle.
Ive always said i cant see a life where im not with him but the thought of spending my favourite time of year the way I want to i really want too does seem appealing. Xxxx

[Lottieblue]

I agree. Nothing else matters to me except that I don’t have to dread it. I still don’t know where I’ll be or who with, but I really don’t care. I won’t be crying in the bathroom, that much I know. Maybe by next year he might have behaved like a decent human being and seen me right so I can have my own place, but for the moment, I am grateful every day that I don’t have to put up with him any more.

[Author]

Posts