Thought I was coping…

[Bridget Jones Is Free]

And today I saw my dv lady, I have come back right down to feeling extremely low again.

It is that feeling of vulnerability due to SS, solicitors (even though I don’t get in touch with mine at all), the situation at home, the degree of loneliness, the impression of living in a dead end, the discussion with this dv lady, not knowing how much of the assets I would get if I did divorce, who would come with me, how it would take place, where I would live, what I would loose, how this would affect my kids and I.

I told the lady today I prefer to bury my head under the sand. But today it is hitting me and I am fighting the tears and the feeling of emptiness.

So much for Bridget Jones is strong, it would appear not that strong…

She wants to come to the child protection meeting with me. I kind of refused, better to be alone and just be there, I say barely anything. I don’t have the impetus to speak, nor be observed by her. I don’t want anyone to intervene unless they know me really well. It was too much today for me, I feel like I want to send the whole lot packing…

Oh well, at least this morning I did loads in the house and managed to plant some …so that’s all done. Then I started work and saw a representative of my trade. It felt surreal, I don’t connect, I act happy. I am not.

I was told to take a leap of faith by the dv lady. I don’t have much faith. So you see ladies, Bridget is not that strong after all. I told her to give me a kick up the back side, hear my story and give me the correct perspective because after so many decades, you feel like giving up. It is not the fear of the unknown, it is the feeling of sheer emptiness, not wanting to take an even harder route than the one I went along for so, so, so many years. I do believe I am giving up on my own life.

Come on Bridget, smile! 🙂

[godschild]

You cant be strong all the time, you are bound to get down in the situation you are in.
Its not easy to make the right choices, its a hard tough fight which ever way you choose.
Only you can choose and only you know what you can cope with, so so many ladies on here are really struggling after leaving, its notr an easy rout to choose and you have tried it once , you will be stronger again, I find sometimes when I get down and despatred when I get back up I am stronger than before.
Its necessary to feel the feelings and admit you feel down, you cant rise abuve them all the time they will come back if you bury them, I belive it takes strength to cry and admit you feel defeated and down. I love the song by Madonna that has a line it in “it takes more strength to cry admit defeat ” It does not make you weak to feel the way you do. Not connected but I also love the line in that song that says “I have truth on my side you only have deciept ” makes me think of abusers andthe lie they lies they live in, you will pick up again xx

[Anonymous]

Bridget Jones is strong, bridget jones will be free and bridget jones will smile again and mean it.

Hi, Sending you hugs, the fact that you are dealing with all this says to me that you are very strong. Your DV lady sounds like she really wants to help. Child protection is designed to disempower parents in my opinion that alone can make you feel really low. How about if you allowed the DV lady to observe and not say anything and then maybe she could discuss it with you after? Sometimes an outsider can see things we can’t, Just a suggestion.

I imagine that every emotion you have described here a lot of us have felt at one time or another, it gets so overwhelming dealing with everything. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, they dont have to be giant strides baby steps will do. Bridget Jones is a survivor xx

[Serenity]

You are strong, and you are coping, Bridget. You are doing masses.

I remember my DV worker telling me that many women just sit staring at walls for hours after abuse. I myself have found myself sitting motionless in my car, just being still and silent, safely cocooned by the metal box that is my car, watching the world from a safe distance. I began to worry that I was doing this too much!

Maybe you are doing too much, B. You have achieved loads in the house, running, etc, but tired yourself out a bit. When you are tired, the whole world seems too much to cope with. Not being able to connect at work- have you been spreading yourself too thinly?

Peaceful Pig’s post about a year ago was a watershed moment for me, when she said self-compassion is the way to heal. You are such an achiever, Bridget, a busy little bee. You are active, and have a very active mind too, but with all the abuse you are having to suffer, maybe periods of stillness are what you need.

Even in the normal run of things, DV victims/ survivors will have periods when it all seems too much. Then you will wake up on a different day, and your resolve will have come back.

I can understand you getting to the stage when you just don’t feel like speaking to other professionals about it. You are tired ; you just want peace, whilst you gather your strength again for the future.

I don’t know what decisions you will make for the future and when, but to let you know that we are all here to listen.

X*x

[Author]

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