Thought the police had received training on how to deal with domestic abuse!!

[tobehappy]

My ex has actually admitted that he is manipulating me. I actually felt relieved to hear he was manipulating (amongst other tactics). This is what I have always suspected/known. I know I often read posts where people are asking “do you think they know what they are doing?”. I am now absolutely sure they know exactly what they are doing. My ex has told me. I feel I am not going mad because everything I feel he has done on purpose. It doesn’t make the emotion any less real. I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out if he is aware of what he is doing. How horrible that they choose to use these awful tactics to achieve something for themselves.

Since I left I have not given in to his demands. Any communication is written. I do not ever see him or talk to him.It has taken months/years to get this far along the divorce process and to try to get finances and child arrangements in place. I have pretty much done everything myself. Of course I’ve taken professional advice when needed along the way but I’ve researched everything myself. I simply couldn’t afford not to do it that way.

Recently he had been sending a lot more messages and as he was admitting what he was doing I decided to report it to the police. I know the threshold is high for the police to act so I wasn’t really expecting too much to be done but this is just another incident building the bigger picture.

I was horrified when the P.O. told me this is normal. He is just playing silly buggers and it won’t go on forever. She showed absolutely no sympathy. She didn’t make sure I had any support. I felt I had been told off and that this was just a normal marriage breakdown. Horrific. I was doing fairly well coping with things but she has just made me feel like I have imagined everything that has happened and that it is normal so why I am not dealing with it. She has no idea how far my ex has pushed me. She made no attempt to check my mental state. I have been struggling and this has pushed me even further down. How can an agency who have received training on dealing with these cases handle this matter with so little understanding. The bit of confidence that I had in the police has just vanished. As I said I did not expect them to be able to act on what I had told them. I did need the incident recorded but her lack of understanding into abusive marriages was absolutely shocking! Why do people think just because you haven’t been beaten black and blue or received messages threatening your life that there is nothing wrong? You have no right to be upset. Absolutely vile woman. I hope there are no others like her around. Unfortunately I hear there are many.

[Suntree]

Ask to speak to the domestic violence officer and no-one else.

I was not surprised when a report came out last year saying about the failings of my local police force towards Domestic Violence. I even had the police officer who took over the case from the ones who first attended, undo the good work of them and tell me exactly what he was going to tell him to say. Which was along the lines “I only want to talk” and proceeded to tell me how he really didn’t want to arrest him for this as “well you didn’t have any witnesses and there wasn’t enough damage to you.”

This wasn’t the first time a police officer had done something so stupid to be honest which changed the chance of getting a successful prosecution to one that wouldn’t even get to court.

However I will report every-time now. I have learnt it’s called a paper trail and it is about the best story not the reality.

What I did find out is they might have told him to stay away from the crazy woman because they had to talk to him each time.
That in itself has for now given us some relief.

Though each time he comes back he is the victim, but he always was the victim until you listen carefully or ask questions, then the subject is dropped or changed very quickly.
Most people don’t listen

[EeyoreNoMore]

Sorry you’ve had a bad experience with them, I can sympathise.

What she should have told you is that the coercive control laws came in last year and that any abuse before that was outside the scope of the Act. They can’t do anything about that. However, she should have been far more sympathetic and understanding. These people can undo us so easily with their flippant attitudes and really need more education.

Do keep reporting though as it does all need to be recorded, both for you and for any future girlfriend he acts the same to.

Try not to let one (detail removed by Moderator) cloud your view – there are some good cops out there.

[White Rose]

Police response to DV is so variable even in same area.
I had fantastic support from 2 male officers who visited me after some evil on line threats after I’d left. They were so sympathetic, they understood and who got me to talk about everything even rape. They were so well trained and I felt safe with them.
A few weeks later I had the opposite from a female officer who told me similar contact was just a petty argument between bickering adults. I threw her out in tears ad I felt she’d added to my problems and like you if made me even more down
You should be able to access a specific policd domestic abuse team who will be trained. In my area you need referring to them and local WA can do this and i think health system in order to be allocated a specific officer but there’s no reason you can’t ask to be put through from 101.Maybe give it a try?
Dont let one bad experience upset you. I think it’s worse when it’s a woman who doesnt “get it” too
Take care. Keep logging and reporting it x*x

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