4th February 2019 at 6:24 pm #71871
So just now I didn’t answer my phone as I was cleaning the kitchen. (Of his house where the kids are living). Because I didn’t answer straight away he now has the up with me.
I moved out some months ago but still go round to the house to help with housework and see the kids. 2 of which are young Adults the other has a few years yet.
It’s getting really hard, I hate being around him and him still controlling everything. My tears are at the brim every moment I am around him but I push them back and smile for the kids. I want to go no contact and give him my phone which he still pays. He’s obsessed and I can’t bear it any more.
If I go no contact I’m not sure how to start it off. I can arrange to see my children through themselves. But I do worry he will manipulate them. He tells them not to answer my calls or text me back when he has the ump with me.
I still have to tell him every move I make which involves leaving the house. I have to ring still as soon as I leAve work.
I’m tired and trapped and can’t see any life. I honestly can’t go shopping without some sort of consequences.
I just want him out of my life forever now.
4th February 2019 at 6:30 pm #71872
I can’t not answer his calls as he starts leaving messages on my mum’s house phone (that’s where I’m staying). He constantly presses redial. Once I didn’t answer the phone for (detail removed by Moderator) minutes and I had (detail removed by Moderator) missed calls. My child says he sits there with it on loud speaker just pressing redial.
I can’t bear it.
I’m really thinking about moving to another town with another famiy member and getting a job transfer right near where I’ll be living. But then I worry he will go round to my mum and get out of them where I am. My mum is scared of what he might do. When he loses his temper he loses control.
How did I end up with him. Everyone told me years ago he wasn’t right. He is double my age and I was so young when me met. I was an idiot. I can’t believe I was so stupid.
4th February 2019 at 6:44 pm #71873IwantmebackParticipant
Hi Ariel, I’m so sorry he still has so much control over you. Have you spoken to anyone at WA yet, to try and get away from his control. You’re poor mum. He is harassing both of you and if the police get involved I’d hope they could put à non molestation or harassment order in place. You know the kids love you and want a relationship with you, he’s trying his hardest to damage it. Don’t let him. I hope you find a way out of his control.
4th February 2019 at 6:44 pm #71874RubyslippersParticipant
Absolutely no contact!! This man is still controlling both you and your children( even though they may be older) He will manipulate them whatever, so you need to get out completely for your mental health. You left for a reason and by returning to clean for him, gives him back control, and you will never break free. If he continues to harrass you you need to look at a non molestation order to prevent him from doing this.
you need to protect yourself and your mental health immediately. you havent said why the children are still with him, but by the sound of it he is extremely manipulative with them which isnt good for them either. I would seriously take legal advice on how to protect you all.
4th February 2019 at 6:52 pm #71877
They are still there as he won’t move our. The children want to be in there home. To be honest they don’t want me to come round. They want to see me at my mums like we’ve done a handful of times when it suits him. One of my children said we will find a way to come see you you are our mum. They want me to be happy. I’m so lucky to have such understanding children. They know exactly what there dad is like.
I believe when they move out they probably won’t see him anymore. My mental health is suffering now. I want the kids to be able to come to me and have some time out from their dad. A happy place for them so they can just relax. I had them at my mums boxing day and I took some pictures. They looked so happy and content. I know I need to go no contact but don’t know how to initiate it.
Thank you so much for replying everyone xxxxxx
5th February 2019 at 12:22 am #71893RubyslippersParticipant
please get legal advice. Ive just found out I could have applied for an occupation order to force him out. Its prob too late for me but isnt for you by the sounds of it. Speak to womens aid, and look at rights for women website, who have a legal helpline. Block all means of communication and report him if he tries to harrass you. change passwords to emails, social media etc as he immediately. leaving him took courage. Stay strong. you sound like you have great support from your family. It may be worth a visit to your GP also. good luck.
5th February 2019 at 12:15 pm #71905TiffanyParticipant
You are absolutely right. You need to go no contact to truly break free. You will probably need legal orders in place so he doesn’t harass your mum. I have no idea what your legal standing would be in regards to housing, but if you can’t get him out then might it be possible for you to get a council house suitable for you and your children? I would definitely try the helpline who can probably outline concrete options. And maybe also rights for women to see where you stand on the housing front.
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