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    • #14772
      Whathaveidone
      Participant

      Recently, I’ve become more aware of his threats to kill himself. He has always said this but now that I’m aware of all of his tactics I’m starting to change my views. I used to think he was being so affectionate and loving but now I’m thinking is this just another tactic he does to control me?

      He keeps telling me that without me he doesn’t know what he’d do and that he’d probably be better of not in this world. He dedicates his whole life to me etc, etc. When he says stuff like this, it’s always in a calm and loving voice. I didn’t know before and I kept trying to reassure him that I won’t leave him and that we love each other and that I wouldn’t be able to cope without him but recently I’ve stopped saying all of that in response. Instead I tell him that there would be no point in him doing that and suicide’s not the answer and that I’m not going anywhere… but in my head I’m thinking, you’d actually be doing me a favour (I know this sounds SO bad).

      I feel awful for thinking this but I don’t know if what he’s saying is all complete lies and he just wants to make sure that I don’t leave him. I’ve done a total u-turn in my thinking from once not knowing what I’d do without him and thinking that my own life wouldn’t be worth living if he wasn’t around to now thinking that I actually don’t want him around and it would just make my life so much better if he wasn’t there…whether that be he leaves me for someone or otherwise.

      Sorry, my thoughts are bit all over the place.

    • #14797
      White Rose
      Participant

      I got sick of hearing this both before I left and since, he resorts to it whenever he doesn’t get sympathy, or if things don’t go his way. It escalated during divorce and led up to financial settlement, he’s still at it when he wants to stall his side of the financial sort out for even longer than necessary! I find it pathetic to be honest, and like you I think “please be my guest, go ahead and do it”.
      Ignore him. Or suggest he sees GP or phones Samaritans – I did that once, gave him a post it with the numbers on. He soon snapped out of it when I said I was worried he was feeling like that and suggested I wanted to phone GP to see if they could see him.
      xx

      • #14819
        Whathaveidone
        Participant

        Ha! these men are so pathetic. I think I’ll try that one – suggesting he call Samaritans or see a gp about what he’s saying. Surely if he loved me that much there would no reason to say that in the first place.

    • #14814

      Hahaha! Mine has been threatening suicide for over three decades, I don’t pay attention EVER! (sorry if I sound really harsh, but don’t you think by now if he really meant it he would have done it? And it is usually the people who stay quiet about their imminent suicide who do end up killing themselves…)

      • #14818
        Whathaveidone
        Participant

        yeah BridgetJonesIsFree you are so right, people who do commit suicide rarely tell anyone. I just don’t see the point why he keeps telling me that he will if I leave him. Is it to make me feel guilty? Contrary to before, the more he says it, the more it irritates me now.

    • #14848
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Why can he not just do it. Deeds instead of words! Hahaha! I become nasty recently.

    • #14864
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      My ex sent me a text that went like this…there’s no point I’ve lost the love of my life, I can’t go on, there’s nothing but darkness ahead of me…etc etc ended with take care of yourself and know that I loved you with all my heart. Thankfully I was with a friend at the time so while I was about to get in the car and rush back to the house she took my phone and text him back to say but busy to deal with this right now, u clearly intend to kill yourself so to avoid this happening I’m now calling 999……his response? No need, just out got out the shower and heading out for the night!
      Manipulative much?!?!?!?! As someone who has worked in (detail removed by Moderator) in the past, those who really want to end their lives rarely put out a warning. Asking for help to get them through these feelings is one thing but that is very different to an imminent threat. X

    • #14865
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      My friend was very tempted to say (detail removed by Moderator) I stopped her. I was in the midst of total mind control but had told him I needed out. That’s why he did it. X

      • #14895
        Whathaveidone
        Participant

        omg escaped not free thanks for sharing this. This sounds exactly like the sort of thing mine would do if I left him. I just don’t understand these abusers.

    • #14912
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      No problem, trust me it turns to nastiness when it doesn’t get the desired effect. I can say this to u because from your situation I’m detached but felt utterly torn up inside when he sent me that. I know what these words do to u from someone u feel for says them. X

    • #14913
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      It was at that point I started thinking I REALLY need to get out of this. If my friend hadn’t been there I’d have been sucked right back in. X

    • #14966
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      It is perfectly normal for them I think. That’s how they can do it then just go back to normal while sane amongst us are left reeling. How on earth do u get through to someone though how abnormal these extremes are? I wish to god I knew. X

    • #15487
      Missnobody
      Participant

      I just want to thank you all for posting as until i read this it didnt occur to me that this was him being manipulative – I suppose i aas more focused on what he was threatening to do (the usual…take pills, etc etc). Interestingly he only started saying things like this around 6 months ago when I was having a strong day and told him it was over – it all makes sense now xx

      • #15508
        Whathaveidone
        Participant

        I’ve realised that they will say and do anything in order for you stay and keep silence. In my case anyway. A few years ago, he threatened that he would smath everything in the apartment and then jump out of the window. It did scare me. If somebody loves you that much, how can they say this?

        I’ve had enough. I cannot take this anymore. I’m just waiting for the chance to call the helpline and get the help I need to be away from this man.

    • #15494
      godschild
      Participant

      Yes it is manipulation, mine has said it and several years ago taken just enough tablets to stay safe but to scare me, they will try anything.

    • #15500
      Suntree
      Participant

      A friend had the best response to when an ex turned up at the door demanded to be let in and said that she was going to kill herself and had taken some tablets.
      They kept the door closed and told them to stay there and they were going to phone for an ambulance.
      They did call for an ambulance and let them deal with situation.
      I would have never of thought of doing that but it makes complete sense.

    • #15526
      godschild
      Participant

      Mine was making threats a few months ago so I called an ambulance, the paramedic said its not a crime we cant really do anything, but he went to to speak to him and he refused to come out of where he was and talk to them, it was all just to scare me.
      The paramedics stayed and talked to me as I was very anxious in the end they were making me laugh, he was watching from where he was and the next day accused me and them of sitting laughing, the paramedic was very thirsty and asked if could have a drink, I made coffee (detail removed by moderator), how childish and pathetic.
      Often us Women feel we cant carry on and it sheer desperation but with them its all to frighten and control

    • #15507
      Whathaveidone
      Participant

      he tells me this ‘you are my world’, ‘you are my soulmate’, I cannot live without you but then I’ve heard ‘joke’ with his friends / male relatives that if a woman does this and that just throw them out the house and see if they can live without you???

      In my head, i’ve made plans to leave – I just can’t wait to speak to someone to seek help. These men are delusional.

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