Threats

[Cantmakedecisons]

Me again, I didn’t go back.. just!
I didn’t even trust myself not to, hence not posting an update because I knew my decision may have changed hourly.
I’m literally taking it hour by hour right now. It’s been such a struggle the last (detail removed by Moderator) or so and my emotions are all over the place.

I wanted to ask what kind of threats people have received for not returning or talking to people for help..?

[KIP.]

Never see my son again
Tell my kids intimate sexual things about me
Sell my home
Make me homeless
No one will believe me
My word against his
Tell my best friends husband she had an affair
I’m delusional
I have a mental illness
Have me arrested
Report me to benefits office
No one else would want me

[Hawthorn]

No one will believe me.
I’m the abusive one and he’s the victim
That he would kill himself.
That I’m an drug addict.
I’m mentally ill.
I have an anger problem and need help.
That I’ve pushed him to suicide.
It’s my word against his.
No one else could ever put up with me.
He will be alone forever because I’ve ruined relationships for him forever.

[iliketea]

Won’t survive on my own.
Won’t get be able to get a job.
They won’t believe me.
I’m the abuser, not him, the police will see that, they always believe the man these days.
Women make up domestic abuse to alienate dads from their children.
I have mental health problems.
I have anger issues.
My whole family are messed up so why should I be any different.
Won’t be able to afford to keep the children.
I’m delusional, making it all up, its in my head.
I have PTSD, unfit mother.
I make my children cry not him.
I’m a liar.
Its all B****** of course, I can see that now, but before I left, and a long time before, I really believed this cr*p.
YOU HAVE DONE SO WELL!! I’m not shouting, I’m saying it with SO much conviction because I remember your story and it really is horrendous and you are amazing, and incredible and you have to pat yourself on the back for what you have done, what you are doing, and what you will do. Please please believe everyone here, not him, what does he know? A man who can put the mum of his kids through what he has put you through. You are amazing @cantmakedecisons I want you to know that. Bottom of my heart, I believe in you and I’m cheering you on, and if I knew you I would give you a big hug and a massive well done..Stay strong, 2021 is your year, leave him and IT behind, you can, you will, you have!! xxxx

[Cantmakedecisons]

Iliketea – I remember you messaging me and helping at the time, so thank you. X

[Anonymous]

That no one else will want me
That i’m mentally ill
That I have a personality disorder
Threatening to call my friends and family and tell them what ‘you’re really like’
That I will be off with the first man who shows me attention because ‘that’s what you’re like’
That I have cheated on him and I am disloyal
That I am a drunk
That I am incapable of looking after myself
That he will be alone forever
That no one will believe me

They are all LIES.
They lie about anything and everything.

[Watersprite]

can’tmakedecisions – goodness you are doing amazing even tho it is so hard. Always remember why you’ve done this and that you have done the hardest bravest thing – you can do anything now it will just take time to slowly step into your future. Remind yourself every day how brave you are and how resilient to survive
I can’t say the threats they are too identifying but they include murder revenge sharing personal private stuff alienating the children and most of it that I’m mentally ill won’t cope won’t manage won’t fund myself and that he will be broken the victim and it will all be my fault.
Turns out – he underestimated me! So proud of you – stay strong they don’t change but you will – there is life out there tho I’m not fully at that point yet safety and kids is enough for me now and keep reminding yourself just how far you have come x

[Cantmakedecisons]

Thank you everyone for responding, you all really do help in the darkest moments. If you ever wonder if you’ve made a difference to anyone, know that you have. X

[Anonymous]

Thank-you x

Know that, whatever he is saying to you it’s not coming from a good place. It’s coming from an abuser who feels they are completely out of control. He was always full of BS and now you’ve left he’s still full of BS. Perhaps he’s raised his feeding you BS game, that’s normally what happens. It’s what happened to me. It’s BS and don’t fall for it.

So here’s the rub, when they feel this out of control, you would be wise to increase your vigilance. In my experience this is the point at which they are more likely to completely lose it. I’m not saying this to scare you, I’m saying it because I want you to have all the knowledge and all of our combined wisdom to keep yourself safe. I care. I’m sure all the ladies here agree.

I don’t know your story as I’m new to this forum and I hope you’re safe and let’s help to keep yourself safe whilst he throws the tantrums that only toddlers who know no better and abusers do.

Keep talking x

[KIP.]

💕

[Cantmakedecisons]

His threat is pretty extreme and I’m trying work out it’s validity.

[Anonymous]

Can you tell us what the threat is? We are a body of women who have lived it, you are not alone x Talk to us, we’ll do everything we can to help you. You are not alone x

[Cantmakedecisons]

I can’t

[Watersprite]

And there is the reason in that line never to go back. I could only have ever left once! Make sure you report to police IDVA so they can help you safety plan and move again if you need. Safety first x Stay strong x

[Eggshells]

Hour by hour is fine honey. Minute by minute if necessary. Change your mind as often as you need, we’ll be with you through the ebbs and flows. Look at what everyone is saying. You are amazing. I’m not sure about the validity of his threat about what he’ll do if you don’t go back but I am genuinely concerned about your safety if you do go back. I know how you’ve held out this long; you have an inner strength that you don’t give yourself credit for but we see it. We see the strength in you.

How important is it to him to maintain the image of the charming man and amazing Dad? If his threat is what I think it is and he carries out his threat, people will know the truth and he will end up in prison for a very long time. Will he risk that? xx

[Cantmakedecisons]

I don’t know.. I don’t know if it’s real, I just know that it’s enough to scare me. Sometimes it stops me from moving forward and moving forward in its own merit is hard enough.

I’ll be ok x

[Eggshells]

You will be ok eventually. This has just been relentless for you so its understandable that you are not ok at the moment. No-one expects you to be ok at the moment so please keep posting.

[Cantmakedecisons]

Thanks everyone. I just have this overwhelming need for Xmas to be over and deal with moving on. So difficult with new restrictions too. I couldn’t have picked a worse year to do this!

[Hetty]

I’m the same. I’ve had a significant family bereavement and have very little support from my family. My new neighbour asked me what I was doing for Christmas yesterday and I just burst into tears. I keep trying to remember how awful last Christmas was with my ex. I still have a message on my phone off him, picking at me on Christmas Eve when I was at work and remember how I was dreading going home. This year it’ll be peaceful with just me and my son so I’m thankful of that at least but I have a very heavy heart xx

[Same-again]

I will ruin you and your family
I will burn your car
I will burn your house
You will need to change your name
You will spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder
You will live in purgatory
Your life will not be worth living
You are a drunk
You are mentally ill
I will send people round to your parents address to tell them
about some previous abuse from a close family member (30+ years ago)
I will send people round to the family members address
I will contact their children online
I will lie about everything and make you out to be the abuser
I will tell details of our sex life but twist it so that I look like a deviant
I will make you out to be a w***e and shame you in court with all the vileness I possess

It felt good to write all that, kinda cathartic. Phew.

Happy Sunday to you all. x*x

[Hetty]

I will report you to social services
I’ll report you to the police
You have bipolar disorder
You can’t cope with life
I’ve helped you more than anyone else
You’re the abusive one
You’ll get nothing out of me (money)
I’ll call your ex (kids dad) and tell him what you’re really like
All your friends are n**********c and don’t care about you
You’d still be living in a c**p house if it wasn’t for me
You’re a drunk

[Author]

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