Throwing Things

[Happybelle]

I assume I’m right that once they get mad and start throwing things that’s an escalation.
Never done it yet so far until (detail removed by Moderator) and boy was that one hell of a row. I have asked for them to leave….. I currently physically can’t get them out.
All escalated because of a “no” to an unreasonable financial request. An absolutely huge overreaction to them not getting their way.
I swear they threw some stuff at me as I walked away (it never hit) and they say they didn’t of course and it was aimed elsewhere.
No matter how bad their life will become I literally no longer care. They can sleep on a park bench and take their rage out on something or someone else.

[StrongLife]

It’s dreadful when they punch walls, threatening get angry, violent and screaming and you cannot get them out so you can be out of harms way.

In my case alcohol was also added in. At one stage towards end I was addressing matters outside – hoping he would calm down and have normal conversation- rarely happened. Never had this level with another guy before or after this guy.

For me it was throwing fists and abusive language. Police were called when he got physical.

I had no seperate money but did in the end and promptly left relationship.

I started counseling.

Still in counseling and moving through getting the end remnants of this so called marriage – more of trapped in not being able to move on and having little options.

[minimeerkat]

it was exactly the same way things started escalating for me – smashing things up, throwing things at me as i walked away (although apparently not thrown as hard as he could have done!)
it then got pretty bad
saying no would always guarantee some kind of punishment
so please stay safe. hope you have numbers to hand & that you have support x

[Happybelle]

Thank you ladies for your time to take a look at this and respond.
It’s so sad that they think their only choice is to be bullying and intimidating to get their way rather than them back down and be reasonable. Never thought I’d be in this position. I’m astonished by his level of disrespect and entitlement. He’s clearly mentally having a tough time and is unwell but if he won’t get professional help then in my view he is choosing to remain that way and must deal with the consequence of people not tolerating his bad behaviour.
Never thought I’d need to know how to navigate conflict like this.

[Happybelle]

Goodness reading this back I thought it was longer ago than end of Feb!!
What an all round utterly rotten man. Since then we’ve argued more, he has taken my car for a drive in the night- (detail removed by Moderator) – and also rinsed my debit card doing cash back on contactless card. Completely unacceptable. Not even sorry really. Denied it and then later confessed.
A good friend is now raised a police report on my behalf and April I am house on the market and I’m gone. For now I’m playing along to keep me safe but freedom is coming :).

[nbumblebee]

Love this @happybelle well the freedom is coming bit. Mine has ripped up (detail removed by Moderator) smashed things thrown things that have hit me all when angry his temper is horrific so I get it too. But im so glad you are planning and can see a way out. Lots of luck stay strong stay safe xxxxx

[Sad and alone]

Well done Happybelle, it sounds like you are pretty strong and have this all in hand. I think we all play along at some point don’t we? For me it’s usually by saying I am wrong and he is right and I’ll try to be a better person and change. Sometimes it’s easier to just give in as it were than exhaust yourself fighting. But at least you have an end in sight. I hope your exit is a smooth one xx

[Happybelle]

Thanks ladies – it’s sad I didn’t feel able before now. It’s probably taken a few years too many to get here but never mind. Keep on going.
There are good days where I’m organised and strong and others where I’m working at home with tears streaming down my cheeks trying to concentrate whilst sorting it all out.
They won’t win – taking a lot of strength from all of you <3

[AbbeyRoad]

I hate (detail removed by Moderator) nights. The same thing (detail removed by Moderator) happened to me. I hate (detail removed by Moderator) too. (detail removed by Moderator) are the only good days and even then only if I apply to the rules of the house. (detail removed by Moderator) I’m a fat and he started throwing things at me saying if he wanted to he could really hurt me. So I ran upstairs, nothing to throw at me so he threw me (detail removed by Moderator) instead. I can figure out how to break the relationship and survive alone, I’m great alone, but I can’t figure out how to stop loving him to start the process. I feel so much affection for him, I feel his upset at his actions, he’s in counselling too to try and stop this. I can’t cope and I can’t leave and hate myself for that as well.

[Happybelle]

Oh Abbey that is tough.
I am still partly where you are – loving and caring for them whilst they are still being awful people. But over time this has gradually gone away and I feel better able to accept that the relationship is unfoxable, I don’t want to fix it and it’s just time to move on.
The consequences for me will be excellent. The consequences for him really will not be but I’m coming to terms with it. I’ve also realised his family have distanced themselves from him as well. I think it’s years and years of him being this way. So I feel peace with myself I’ve done all I can and theres nothing more to be done except move on :).

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