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    • #147187


      It’s been a minute since I’ve been able to write at all.

      Todays been a very overwhelming day and I guess I needed somewhere to release. I feel like so much has triggered me and the anxiety and panic is to much. I’m just constantly second guessing myself, all the time, about everything.

      And I also don’t feel like I’m dealing with any of it very well. I just don’t know what to do and I don’t believe i’m ever just going to feel ok.

      I think about him all the time, care about how he’s doing and if he’s ok and I feel ashamed and guilty for it. It’s eating me up.

      It’s so hard to know what to feel or if any of what I am feeling is ‘normal’. It’s all so confusing and scary.

      I guess I’m just feeling a little lost.

      I’m sorry for unloading! Hope your all doing ok x

    • #147232
      Main Moderator

      Hello Tenerifeseaoth,

      I just wanted to acknowledge your post, I can hear how overwhelming things are feeling and I’m glad you’ve been able to share what’s going on for you with us on the forum.

      It sounds like there is an internal battle for you around thinking of him, as well as the feelings of shame and guilt for doing so. It’s really important to be kind and patient with yourself in the recovery process and know that what you’re feeling is normal, and you’re doing so well.

      I hope you are doing okay this evening.

      Take care and keep posting,

      • #147606

        Hi Lisa,

        Thank you for your kind words and acknowledgment. It means a lot xx

    • #147234

      Hi Tenerifeseaoth

      I think the reason you think about him all the time is because you are a caring person who wants to be with someone because you love them – so of course you would wonder about their welfare. The trouble is, if you love someone who doesn’t look after your welfare, you’re onto a loser.
      Please don’t feel bad for having natural feelings. Everything you are describing is something that everyone on here has felt too- you are not alone – and you will be OK. Sending you love, peace and inner strength.

      • #147607

        Hi PositiveMentalAttitude,

        Thank you for your reply and your support and understanding, it means a lot.

        I hope you are doing ok. Sending love, peace and inner strength back xx

    • #147238

      You will be ok. I’m recently out and have good/bad days. On the bad I feel lonely, lost, unable to relax and forget making any decisions!

      On the good, I’m happy, I make plans, I can enjoy life in a way we never could before. These definitely outweigh the bad.

      Be kind to yourself, even though it’s right to leave them it’s still a break up and you have love, hope and dreams to mourn. Abuse throws in good stuff like trauma bonds and chemical addictions which need to be broken and contribute to the good & bad days, then there’s the pesky FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) which is very real.

      I use it all the time but genuinely love Stephen Fry’s metaphor for emotions & depression- feelings are like the weather, even in the stormiest weather, know that the sun will always shine again. You might not be able to predict when but it always comes back sometime x

      • #147608

        Hey bananaboat,

        Your message means so much and thank you for your kind words and support.

        I’m sorry to hear you have bad days too but I can understand exactly where you are on those good and bad days. It’s a rollercoaster isn’t it.

        I hadn’t thought of it like that and it absolutely is a break up. Thank you so much.

        This has helped! And that metaphor is perfect.

        Thank you again! I hope you are doing ok and I’m sending love x

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