I think it would be worth remembering that all of the women on this site are part way through a journey towards freedom and a happier life. If you have managed to maintain No Contact as much as possible, you are slowly erasing the abuser from your life & mind and returning to how you were before you met him. Also there is hope of meeting another kind, decent & normal man in the future. Power & control, mind games, manipulation & creating fear are all sick things to do to another person and not how normal life is.
It is not that simple. I have kept zero contact and I built a new life. But I am still very fragile. I can never have a male partner again because I was brutally raped during my marriage. I am still afraid that he looks for revenge because I took him to court. I was abandoned by all services and I find coping extremely difficult. I am not sure whether I will ever be able to become the real me. So far I am only a fat shadow of who I was years ago.