I think it would be worth remembering that all of the women on this site are part way through a journey towards freedom and a happier life. If you have managed to maintain No Contact as much as possible, you are slowly erasing the abuser from your life & mind and returning to how you were before you met him. Also there is hope of meeting another kind, decent & normal man in the future. Power & control, mind games, manipulation & creating fear are all sick things to do to another person and not how normal life is.