time to make changes

[Ariana]

Hi all,

to cut a long sad story short, I have left my abusive husband on a fair few occasions and each time he has wormed his way back to the disbelief of everyone around me, each time i have just convinced myself that he will change he will realise what he stands to loose. He has convinced me that all marriages are like this and require work, commitment and hard times. I Look back at the person i was before i met him and realise that i am no longer that happy fun loving girl, but a watered down pathetic version of my old self that has completely changed to avoid confrontation with him. I literally moved away from my whole life to be with him, had children and got married very quickly (before i could see him for what he was) I have spent years sitting at home too scared to go out and socialise essentially trapped within my own existence, slowly fading away piece by piece. However last year i made the leap to go into education and it has really massively opened my eyes and realise my worth. I thought life was over for me and i wasnt capable of turning anything around. But now i have a glimmer of hope. Imagining living a life without him fills me with absolute joy and excitement that i never imagined i could ever feel again. Its like a secret fantasy, like im a prisoner daydreaming about one day being free. BUT i am terrified of what that will look/feel and be like. I have made the decision (after a day of vile abuse) that i will contact womens aid, that this is a serious situation and that im not able to do this alone or even with family and friends, I need help practically with living arrangements i need financial advice advice and psychological help and guidance. please wish me luck..im going to leap forward with hope in my heart xxxx

[Lisa]

Dear Ariana,

Thank you for your honest post. It sounds like you have reached a place where you know enough is enough, that you deserve to live without abuse and that you do have the ability to make the changes required. It is really positive that you have hope and you can look forward to life without him. Your anxieties are completely natural. There are so many understandable fears and barriers, which is why many women stay in a abusive situations for a long time. However, with the right support you can do it.

Calling the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 is a good place to start. If you don’t get through straight away, leave a voicemail with your number and a safe time-frame for a call back.

You can also search for your local domestic abuse service to find out the support available in your area. It can be really helpful to have a support worker who you communicate with on an ongoing basis to help you make plans and keep you going if you waver. Many local services also run legal advice clinics, where you can get some initial free legal advice. Support from a domestic abuse service will be at your pace and done so in a way that prioritises your safety.

You sound like you’re being realistic and sensible about how to go forward, you can do this!

Keep posting,

Lisa

[diymum@1]

i could never work with my youngest was pre- school age and the minite she went off to school i went back to uni. it was the best thing i ever did – despite being in an abusive relationship i was determined to pass. he tried to scupper me a few times but for me getting away was also a great escape. i think the hope of knowing we can really transform our future makes us hungry for success. when i graduated i felt like i was on top of the orld because it meant financial independence it meant i was closer to being able to be free xx this will be the best thing youve ever done and against all the odds youll probably be more determined than most – good luck best wishes diymum xxxx

[Author]

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