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Does any one look and count how many days you have managed and stayed away? It’s a habit always a voice in my head.
It has been a (detail removed by Moderator) now, waiting on a decision.
I heard nothing about him but now it comes in little bits. He is blaming me made up a whole lie about the last incident. I don’t see how I can be blamed in anyway and there was a witness!
It still hurts, still trauma bonded. So used to accepting the abuse and just keep going. I had got good at taking it. It almost feels like a betrayal on my part.
You talk to people but they will never truly understand your emotions and how you are feeling.
The hardest bit is I will never have answers to why. Why he hurt me so many times, why does he hate me so much, why will he never accept any responsibility for what he has done. Does he actually believe that in his head? Or is it my fault, do I seem weak ?
Luckily this time I have more support I feel stronger and I know this cannot continue. But the mental part of escaping is so hard. -
Hi Darkclouds321,
Reading your post could be myself writing. I am so sorry you’ve had to go through this awful experience. A relationship should feel happy and safe but what we got from these men is hurt and blamed over and over again for their abusive behaviour. I have came to the cloncusion i cannot be with a man who i cannot converse with without him blowing up shouting at me, calling me names for my neighbouts to all hear, frightening my cat in the process. I each time in the past eventually feel sorry for him when he pleads with me to take him back n promises he will never raise his voice to me again or call me names. The worst part is like you say feeling like you are betraying him by moving on. It’s like he is still controlling my mind which i hate that i am scared to move on incase it hurts him. In a way i hope he does meet someone else. I know it will hurt me but at least i will feel less guilty and eventually be able to move on. Why i feel guilty for even thinking about moving on is also crazy on my part as he has treated me so poorly and changed none of the emotional abuse he keeps dishing out. I suppose it’s the belief in his words about how i am his soulmate. It’s like why can i not see this is not soulmate behaviour. My mind keeps just remembering the nice things he does. It absolutely makes me feel so weak. I’m hoping this time i can stay out of the relationship for good.I hope you feel better soon and with regards to the lies he is making up to everyone else, don’t worry because the truth will come out in the end. He will abuse someone else. You can’t control what other people do or believe but live in the peace of knowing you know the truth and other people will eventually find him out. Take care and you sound a lovely person who does not deserve any of this. Sending hugs 💖x*x
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